Blood, Sweat, and Tears
by Raibean
Summary: It's summer, and Dave Karofsky feels free as a bird. Working at a bookstore, he sees Sam Evans, dyslexic, looking for an audio book. Both boys are battling their horrible self-images, but maybe their friendship can pull them through.
1. Chapter 1 The Fair

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Staring at the carnival sign gives Sam a headache, but he'll die before he asks his kid brother to read it out loud for him. Unlike Sam, Danny isn't dyslexic, and he likes to read. He's not even twelve, and he's making Sam feel stupider and stupider by the day. Danny hasn't quite caught on yet; he still thinks Sam's the greatest guy in the world, the guy that can do anything, and to Sam, that's the most precious thing in the world. It's a relief when Danny changed the subject.

"Sam, can I have blonde hair like you?" the small brunette asks.

"No, I think Mom would get mad."

"Oh." Danny's face falls.

"How about we get frozen lemonades?"

And it brightens again.

"Yeah! Yeah!"

"Right now or after the Ferris wheel?" Sam ruffles Danny's hair.

"After the ride, 'cause we can't take food on the ride."

"Do you wanna do the Ferris wheel first?" Sam asks. They only have a few hours and a handful of tickets each. Luckily, Sam's hands are a bit bigger than average.

As it turns out, Danny wants to do the Hall of Mirrors and the Haunted House first. They have fun banging into glass walls while a pair of girls behind them mark it with lipstick to get through. In the Haunted House, Danny screams no less than four times, and Sam swears his voice goes higher than Kurt's.

"Were you scared, Squirt?" Sam asks afterwards.

"No!"

"It's okay to be scared. You got through, didn't you?"

"Yeah." Danny smiles. He still hasn't let go of Sam's hand.

Sam's wallet is in his jacket pocket. They're messing around in the cart, rocking back and forth, trying to see if they can recognize the buildings. It's not until they're standing in front of the frozen lemonade stand that Sam realizes his wallet fell out during the ride.

"We'll just hike back over there. You know which cart we were in, right?"

"18."

"I'll buy it for you." That's a voice Sam isn't used to hearing. It's David Karofsky, and Sam hasn't seen him since school ended.

"Oh. Thanks, Dave."

"Do you go to McKinley?" Danny asks him.

"Yeah. I'm on the football team."

"Thank you."

Dave smiles.

"I'll pay you back," Sam tells him.

"No, we're cool."

He walks off after paying, giving them one more smile.

Sam tries to think that through when he exercises the next morning. There isn't any reason for Dave to _not_ be nice, right? Except for when He shoved Dave into a locker, but that was months ago. Except for Sam being bi, but Dave doesn't know that. Plus he's sort of warmed up to the guys in Glee after football season was over.

Sam ends up exercising an hour longer just because he's thinking so much. It's not just about why Karofsky would do that, even if school is over and summer makes everyone nicer. It's also about what's going to happen next year because that's senior year, and after that, everything is really important. The whole world is going to be out there, and Sam's going to have to help himself because no one else will be able to help him like they can now. So he works off the stress because he turns eighteen in January, and even if that's six months away, it feels very, very close.

Once Sam's covered in sweat, muscles burning, he feels better. He feels amazing, actually. Exercise always makes him feel better; it gives him time to think if he needs to, or it distracts him from his thoughts. A cold shower washes all the stress and sweat off his body before he heads back to his room.

It's actually pretty clean for a teenage boy. There's the hamper in the corner, the sun bed against one wall, the book shelf filled with geeky stuff that he probably shouldn't show anyone on the football team: Lego Harry Potter scenes, Star Wars action figures, Doctor Who novels, steampunk pilot helmet and goggles, and a photo album of conventions and fan meetings he and his friends used to go to before he moved. Before he decided to live with his mom instead of at an all-boys school paid for by his dad.

A beagle is curled up at the foot of his bed. Sam's mom got him a dog when he decided to move to Ohio with her. She said he'd need a friend. He managed to make friends on his own of course, but he still loves that little dog.

"Hey, Tally." He named her after the main character in Scott Westerfeld's _Uglies_ series. He puts his laptop on his pillow before picking the small dog up and pulling her into his lap. She gives a low whine. "Don't complain, Tally; we're going to watch Sherlock." She lays her head on his leg, and he pets her. It's time to watch "The Great Game."

Sam wonders if Sherlock's gay. In the first episode, he said girls weren't his thing, but when Watson asked if he had a boyfriend, Sherlock simply said he didn't. That would be cool, Sam decides. A lot of girls in the online community think Sherlock/Watson is a good ship. Sam can't see it because he can't get past Watson being straight. Not to mention the fact that Watson has a girlfriend. Still, it's nice to think about Sherlock having feelings for Watson in his own standoffish way. After all, getting crushes on straight guys happens a lot. Sam does it all the time. It's ironic that the one gay guy he met when he got here isn't even his type.

Not that it matters since Sam was so excited to be around girls again that he'd fallen for Quinn, the resident angel, right away. Now that all of his drama with Quinn and Santana is wrapped up, he's sort of tired of girls.

_Which sucks since the only guys I know who would even swing that way are with each other._ Sam doesn't resent Kurt and Blaine, though. They're obviously infatuated with each other, and their happy smiles give him hope when he stares up at his ceiling wondering if he can ever be that happy with someone. At least Kurt isn't into PDA – Sam's afraid of getting a boner if they ever make out in front of him.

That Sunday, Danny wants to go to the bookstore.

"Please, Mom?" he begs.

"It's been a long week, baby," she says. "Ask your father; see if he'll take you."

She's laid out on the chaise lounge, hair up in a bun while she catches up on Desperate Housewives. Sam's spread out on the couch, struggling through _Leviathan_ by Scott Westerfeld.

"Dad, will you take me to the bookstore?" Danny asks from the kitchen.

"Jessica, did you say he could go?" Sam's step-dad calls out. Sam likes his step-dad. He respects Sam's father but is still involved with Sam's life.

"Yeah, Joel, I did."

"I'm kind of busy, but Sam can take the car."

Danny's fast footsteps pitter-patter over the linoleum floors.

"Sam, will you take me to the bookstore?" There's a lot of excitement in those gray eyes.

"Yeah, sure." Maybe he'll be able to find _Leviathan_ in an audio book.

"You're the best!" Danny gushes, hugging his brother.

"Bring back some ice cream, Sammy," his mom says. "It's hot as hell out there."

"What kind?" Sam asks, running up to his room for his wallet.

"Mint!"

"Ice cream!" Danny shrieks. Sam smiles and starts thinking about which flavor he wants.


	2. Chapter 2 The Bookstore

**A/N: Yeah, I gave Karofsky glasses. I know it's unlikely to "suddenly" develop sight problems in high school, but it happened to me halfway through Senior year. Also, I think he'd look really hot with glasses.**

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Dave Karofsky's summer is going great. He doesn't have to deal with school; he can just hang with Az and his other buddies. Of course, they have jobs. He has a job, too. His day off was last Monday, and he went with Az and Johnathan to the fair. He was on his way back from buying more tickets when he saw Evans and a kid – probably his little brother. Sam'd lost his wallet, so Dave paid for their frozen lemonade. It wasn't anything big, just that it was that kind of day. Summer is filled with those kinds of days: the ones where Dave doesn't have to worry about his grades or his family, the ones where Dave doesn't care that maybe, just maybe, he's gay, the ones where no one's going to avoid him because he's a bully, the ones where no one's judging him because it's just him and people he trusts. He wants it to be like that when school starts, but he's the bully. People are scared of him, or they hate him. He feels bad about it sometimes, but most of the time he does it because he can't think of another option – if he doesn't show how tough he was, people might start to think he's looking at guys for the wrong reason. Too bad the wrong reason is the correct one.

It's Sunday now, though, and Dave is working. He has his glasses on; he just got them on Wednesday. Sometimes he forgets to wear them since they're so new. He hadn't realized just how bad his eyesight was until he put them on for the first time. He's near-sighted, and his mom teases him about how it was because his nose is always in a book. That's what's good about working at Barnes and Nobles, though; he gets an employee discount. He's shelving books in the kids' section when he sees a kid reaching for something on the top shelf.

"Can I help you?" Dave asks. Oh. It's the kid from Monday, Sam's brother.

The kid must recognize him, too, because he gasps. "You're the guy who bought us lemonade!"

"Yeah." Dave smiles. "What do you need?"

"Can you reach the Vampirates series?"

"Sure. Which one do you want?"

"Blood Captain and Black Heart, please." The boy looks up at him. "Your name's David, right?"

"Yes, sir."

The kid smiles. "I'm Danny!"

"Hi, Danny."

"Do you know where Sam is?"

"Um, no."

"He told me which section he'd be in, but I can't remember. It wasn't science fiction."

"Probably young adult."

"Where's that?"

"I'll show you." Danny holds his hand as Dave tugs him along the shelves.

There's Sam, loose tee, baggy pants. Dave can see a slice of his boxers clinging to his hips. Dave looks away.

"Sam!" Danny lets go of Dave's hand and races over to Sam, books in hand.

"Hey, Danny." Sam glances at Dave and does a double-take. "Oh, hey. I didn't know you worked here. Or had glasses."

"Yeah, they're, uh, new." Dave puts a hand to them. "I'm still getting used to them."

"They look good." That's just the wrong thing for Dave to hear from a guy whose ass Dave was just staring at.

"Thanks." He looks down at Danny. "Is that all?"

"Actually," Sam interrupts, "do you know if you have audio books of this?" He holds out a book, _Leviathan_ by Scott Westerfeld.

"Audio books are by the front, but if they're not there, I can check in the back."

"Sam, you have that book at home; why do you want the audio book?" Danny asks.

"I want to listen to it in the car, Squirt." Sam bites his lip, though, so maybe that's not entirely true.

The set isn't in the front, so they follow Dave to the door that leads to where everything is stocked. It takes Dave a few minutes, but he finds the audio set.

"Here you are."

"Thanks," Sam says quietly.

Dave walks away and finishes work. His thoughts don't return to Sam until just before bed. When he takes off his glasses, he thinks about how Sam said they looked good, then he thinks about the sliver of underwear he got to see hugging Sam's hips... his skin... Dave wants to grab it, feel that ass under his hands. He wonders what those lips taste like, the lips everyone makes fun off. He wants to kiss those abs, lick that line just inside his pelvis, hear Sam whisper to him. He wants Sam's hands on – and then Dave stops thinking about it. He rolls over and screams into his pillow. His summer was going so fucking great; he can't let Sam screw it up now. But it's not Sam's fault; he knows that. The dude isn't even gay.

When he goes to see his therapist on Tuesday, Dave doesn't say anything about Sam. He doesn't say anything about being gay; he hasn't told his therapist, not in all this time.

"How are you doing, Dave?" Mrs. Allester asks.

"Well," he answers. "The job is going well. I'm thinking about going to the fair again."

"You went last week, didn't you?"

"Yeah." He wants to go and see Sam again, but he's not going to say that. Not that Sam is going to be at the fair.

He almost doesn't go because none of his friends can go and because he knows it's stupid to just go somewhere and hoping to see a guy when he hasn't even hinted that he's going to be there. He goes anyways, and it's weird, but he keeps seeing kids who're in Glee. Santana's digging into funnel cake, walking next to Brittany, who's pushing Artie. Then there's Berry and that black girl, the one Az had a crush on; what's her name? They're talking with Kurt and his preppy boyfriend. So maybe Sam _is_ here. In fact, he turns up right behind Dave at the ice cream stand. Sam taps his shoulder, and when Dave turns around, he almost jumps.

"Dude, you scared me."

Sam smiles. "I didn't think you'd be here again."

_I didn't think you'd be here, either._ He can't say that, though. "I didn't think you'd be at a bookstore."

"Thanks for helping us, by the way." He's so pretty. Dave wants to reach out and touch his hair. "Let me buy your ice cream."

"No way."

"You bought our frozen lemonade."

"Okay, fine." Sam smiles again, and Dave can't help but smile back. "So whaddyou want?"

"A fruit pop."

"Cool. I'm getting an ice cream cookie sandwich."

After he buys it, Sam wanders aimlessly with Dave around the fairgrounds.

"So, are you here alone?" Dave asks.

"Not really," Sam replies. "Rachel wanted us all to meet up and have fun. It sounded like a good idea."

"Is it?" Dave bites into the Popsicle; it tastes like strawberry.

"It was. We were all hanging earlier, but then everyone split up into their little groups."

"Who'd you split with?"

"Puck, but then he ran off when he saw Lauren," Sam admits.

"Lame," Dave scoffs.

"It doesn't really matter; I'll catch up with them later." Sam wipes some ice cream off his face.

"So, why'd you want the audio book?"

"I, uh, I'm dyslexic."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's cool. My brother doesn't know, though."

"Oh." That seemed like a dumb secret to keep, but what did Dave know? He was the youngest of the family.


	3. Chapter 3 The Park

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Sam's walking Tally when he sees Dave at the park. Dave's sitting on a swing, pushing himself back and forth with his foot. Tally woofs and starts walking towards him immediately.

"Tally," Sam warns. In truth, he's not sure how he feels about seeing Dave again. He knows how Dave feels about guys who like guys, but Karofsky in the summer seems like a completely different person from the boy on his football team.

Tally woofs again, and Dave looks up. He doesn't see Sam at first, just the cute, ecstatic beagle rushing towards him. Then he glances at the owner, and he's taken aback.

"Hi," Dave says slowly. He isn't wearing his glasses.

"Hey."

"I didn't know you had a dog."

"Her name's Tally." They reach him, and Dave bends down to let the beagle sniff his hand. When Tally licks it, he starts to pet her.

"She's cute."

"Do you have any pets?" Sam asks, sitting on the swing next to him.

"No. My sister's allergic to fur, but she's at college now. How'd you get Tally?"

"When my mom and step-dad moved out here with Timmy, mom and dad asked me who I wanted to live with. I decided to go with Mom, even though that meant losing all my friends at my old school. She said I'd need a friend, so she got me Tally." Sam smiles down at the beagle.

"That's kind of awesome." Tally yips and stands on her hind legs. "Oh! Uh. What does she want?"

"Pick her up," Sam says. His smile's really wide now, and Dave holds Tally awkwardly in his hands, like he's not sure what to do with the fat little thing. "Scratch her belly." Dave obeys, and Tally rolls over, almost falling off Dave's lap.

"Woah, that was close." He smiles back at Sam.

This Karofsky is definitely different from the one he sees in school. This Karofsky doesn't make Sam want to punch his stupid face. This Karofsky is actually kind of cute. Okay, maybe not cute, but a cool guy. So Sam asks him if he wants to hang out sometime. Dave's smile sort of brightens everything. When Sam walks home, he's already thinking about what he should do when Dave comes over. He's really excited, too.

When he watches Merlin with Daniel, he realizes that maybe he's got a crush on another straight guy – on possibly the worst straight guy in McKinley high. He doesn't cancel on Dave, though. He can push through this; it's not like he hasn't dealt with this sort of crush before. He makes himself remember what a dick Karofsky was all school year, but he doesn't want to think about that too much since he's giving the guy a second chance. Mostly, he works out, powering through the thoughts and the urges... well, not all of the urges.

"You've seen Star Wars, right?" Sam asks Dave when he comes over.

"Of course. We watch all of them every Thanksgiving."

"Your family?" Sam asks. He's smiling again.

"Yeah. Mom and Dad cook different stuff – Dad does the turkey and pies, Mom does the sides and the stuffing – but we play the movies while we're cooking and stuff."

"That is so _cool_. Which order do you play 'em in?"

"The order they were made."

"Awesome!" They high-fived. "You've seen Avatar, right?"

"Yeah, I went a few times."

"I saw it six times."

"Really? Six?"

"It was so cool! I want to live on that world!"

"Pandora's a pretty place."

"How about The Last Airbender?"

"The movie or the series?"

"The series."

"Yeah, I've seen it. I didn't watch the movie, though; I heard it sucked."

"It did, but I still bought it." Sam looks up at him. "Have you seen Doctor Who?"

"What's that?" Dave asks.

"It's this British TV show," Sam explains, "about a this alien that travels through time and space – anytime, anywhere you wanna go and the TARDIS will take you!"

"The TARDIS?" Dave asks.

"That's his space-ship-slash-time-machine."

"Really."

"Yeah! It's blue. It looks sort of like a British phone box."

Dave starts laughing, and Sam pulls out his boxed sets.

"You'll like it, I'm sure of it!"

"Really? You're sure?"

"Yeah." Sam smiles up at him, so Dave agrees. He doesn't want to start at the beginning, though.

"What sort of episode do you want?" Sam asks.

"Something scary." Dave's smiling, too.

Sam doesn't want to confuse Dave too much, so he decides to start with the Ninth Doctor – and he picks The Empty Child.

"What's mohv?" Dave asks once it starts. "I mean, what color?"

"Mauve."

"Mawv?"

"It's this purple-ish color."

Then the kid appears, and Rose is chasing after it.

"Really, Sam? This is the scariest you can do?"

"Just shut up and watch."

Then the girl appears. And promptly disappears.

"Okay, maybe this is a little creepy."

Captain Jack comes on – stares at Rose's ass; grabs a guy's. Oops. Sam forgot about that. Dave stiffens next to him. _Shit. I should have picked a different episode._

"Who's that?"

"Captain Jack. He, uh, he hits on everyone."

"Everyone?"

"Even aliens."

Dave actually jumps when the child disappears from the front door. He cringes when the Doctor walks into the hospital for the first time. He nearly screams when all the bodies sit up.

"Ew, gross," he says when the doctor's face morphs into a gas mask. When the Doctor sends the kid to his room, though, Dave bursts out laughing. Sam can't stop smiling, except when Dave repeats the sentiment after Nancy accuses Mr. Lloyd of sleeping with the butcher. He just looks so uncomfortable during the Doctor's speech on fifty-first century guys. Sam thinks it doesn't matter too much, though, because when Dave leaves, he asks if he can come back in a few days, on his day off. Sam tries not to smile when he says yes, but he can't stop himself.


	4. Chapter 4 The Party

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Dave ends up buying _Leviathan_. He wants to see why Sam's so into it. Dave's in love with it by the end of the first page because he's such a history buff. It's set during World War One, but it's cooler because the Germans and Austrians have these giant metal machines and the British and the Allies have these fantastical beasts like flying whales for airships and air-jellyfish for hot air balloons. A Scottish girl named Deryn poses as a boy and joins the airforce as Dylan while the prince of Austria runs from the Clanker forces. He'd just finished the second chapter when his phone buzzed. He takes a deep breath before he answers.

"Hello?"

"Hey, cubby." It's Santana.

"What do you want?" At the end of the school year, David was turning in an extra credit assignment to Mr. Schuester in the choir room – only to find Santana in there. She insulted him, so he threw back a few words about her and Sam, mostly about her being a cracked replacement for the recently crowned Quinn. That was when Santana threw a tantrum and accidentally revealed that she's in love with Brittany. It's weird; everyone knows Santana and Brittany liked girls, but Dave knows that if they become exclusive and not a commodity for the football players to watch, they could be the targets of the same slurs and bullying Kurt endured. The same stuff that Dave is trying to avoid. Dave hadn't told anyone, and Santana broke up with Sam. Dave isn't sure how she got his number, but she did, so sometimes she texts or calls him. Usually, it's to make sure he isn't telling anyone about her breakdown.

"I was going to ask about you and Sam."

"What do you mean?" His voice is cold, but Dave's panicking on the inside.

"I wanted to ask if he was doing okay. You know, after the break up." She actually sounds apologetic.

"He's fine. I think he's just glad all the drama is over." Okay, maybe he isn't panicking as much anymore.

"He doesn't know about me, right? You didn't tell him what I said?"

"No."

"Thanks. You're a good friend," she adds.

"Whatever, Lopez. You owe me one."

"Anytime." She hangs up.

The next day, Sam (via text) convinces Dave to get a Skype account. Dave's heart jumps a little when he sees Sam's username (praytoeywa).

_Misterhistory, huh?_ Sam asks.

_History is awesome,_ Dave answers. _When I was a kid, all I read were biographies._

_I didn't like reading when I was a kid,_ Sam admits. _You know, the dyslexia._

_I got teased for reading so much._

_Hey, do you wanna do a video chat?_

Oh, no. Dave's wearing his pajama bottoms, but he usually doesn't wear a shirt to bed. He grabs a dirty shirt off the floor and pulls it on.

_Yeah, sure._

The worst part is that when Sam's video came on, the blonde's shirtless – and he has that stupid, gorgeous grin on his face. Fuck, Dave wishes he could be that happy.

"What's up, dude?" Dave didn't even know it was humanly possible to have a mouth that big, but he swears that shirtless, smiling Sam is the sexiest thing he's ever seen.

"You know that book you bought? The audio one?"

"Leviathan?"

"Yeah. I actually bought it. It's really good."

"Oh, cool! Where are you?"

"I'm at chapter ten."

"Oh, me too."

That's when Dave gets the stupidest, most wonderful idea. "I can read it to you if you want."

"What?"

"Chapter ten. You get your copy so you can see the pictures, and I'll read my copy to you. It'll be just like your audio book."

Sam stops smiling, and for a second David regrets opening his dumb mouth. Then the smile returns.

"That would be awesome," Sam says slowly.

They stay up way too late reading. Sam has all the right reactions, and he's pretty good at predicting what's going to happen next. When they stop reading, Sam says that Dave's an amazing reader. Dave shoots him a grin even though his heart aches. It turns into a thing, them Skyping. Dave tells Sam about working at Barnes and Nobles; Sam tells Dave about working out. Sometimes they talk about football or Star Wars. Dave always reads to Sam.

One Wednesday, Dave's hanging out in Sam's room. They just finished _The Empire Strikes Back_.

"Hey, David, can I ask you something?" Sam bites into a Pringle. He's wearing a _Firefly_ tee.

"Sure."

"Do you like me?"

Dave's throat clogs up. "What?"

"D'you, you know..."

_Fuck._ The answer is yes, no matter how many times Dave tries to change it. "I'm not a fa- I'm not gay." This isn't school, and Dave wants to change, so at the last minute, he changes his answer. Sam has to have noticed, but he doesn't comment on it.

"Okay."

Dave would be proud of himself for being so calm (comparatively), but he's too busy freaking out over how everything was awkward after that. Sam acts like nothing happened on Skype that night, but Dave's obsessing over his actions. How obvious can it be if this doofus can tell Dave likes him?

But there's a party on Friday, and the Cheerios and football players are there. Despite quitting the team, Santana, Quinn, and Brittany are still a part of the Cheerios gang. A few of the Glee kids are there, too: Quinn invited Mercedes, who invited Rachel and Kurt; Kurt took that preppy guy; Mike took his goth girlfriend; Puck took that wrestling chick.

"Hey, Lopez."

Santana whirls around. She's gotten taller; even with her boots on, he can tell. She isn't drinking, though. She and Brittany used to have Puck make sure no one put anything in their drinks (including whichever football player they were dating that week), but since he was all over Lauren, he obviously couldn't watch them tonight. Artie was probably taking care of Brittany, but Santana had to stay sober.

"What do you want, Cub Master?"

"I need a favor."

She pulls him into an empty hallway. "Spill," she commands him.

"Make out with me."

She looks at him in confusion for a few seconds, but she doesn't ask any questions before her mouth is on his. Dave hasn't done this before, at least not properly, and after a few minutes, the Latina gets what's up.

"You have no idea what you're doing." She rolls her eyes. "Just follow my lead."

She teaches him how to move his tongue delicately. It feels like a real lesson, too, because she makes him repeat stuff until he gets it right. Pretty much everyone sees them macking on each other, even Kurt and that curly-haired hobbit. When they pass by, Kurt stares for all the world's worth, and Dave's stomach clenches up because he's so afraid that ladyface is gonna tell someone, or if not him, that Cardigan Boy.

The weird thing is that it doesn't gross him out like he thought it would. It didn't feel like anything. When he goes home, though, he wonders what kissing Sam would be like.

_Don't be silly. He's straight._ He just wishes the one kiss he'd had actually counted. Remembering Hummel's terrified face isn't exactly a turn on, and it doesn't do much for Dave's self-esteem, either.


	5. Chapter 5 Sam's House

The Princess and the Prefect

Sam doesn't talk about how David and Santana made out at the party last Friday. Dave brings it up, mostly to see if Sam's okay with it, seeing as how he used to date Santana. Sam doesn't care about that; it's been too long for him to care. He keeps playing it in his head, though. Over and over, he reminds himself that Dave is straight. If he reminds himself enough, he'll get over this stupid crush; he just knows it. Except soon he wonders if Santana went further with him, and it's not a huge step from there to imagining himself with Dave. He forces himself to think about the way Dave bullied Kurt, and it makes him feel horrible about hanging with the guy, but everyone deserves a second chance, right? It just hurts that much worse because Sam knows what Dave thinks about the real him. It doesn't matter that Sam likes girls, too; in Dave's eyes, he'd still be no different than any other gay guy. That's the way it should be, equality and all. Sam just counts himself lucky that he _does_ like girls.

Everything's going fine until they finish reading _Leviathan_. They're at Dave's house, and it's after they finished watching the original _Scream_. There was still some time before Dave had to go to work, so they read the last chapter. Sam's really happy that he came early because when Dave closes the book, he doesn't want to be staring at Dave through the computer screen. He wants to be exactly where he is, sitting across from him on the couch, back leaning against the arm. Suddenly, he's not leaning against the arm; he's leaning forward to kiss Dave.

Kissing him isn't what he expected. David's lips are so soft. They both have their eyes open, and Sam watches as Dave's pupils dilate. Sam pulls away just the slightest bit, but Dave grabs Sam's jacket and tugs him back.

_I shouldn't be doing this._ Sam closes his eyes and kisses Dave again. Sam moves to put his arms around Dave, and that's when Dave pushes Sam off.

"Don't fucking tell anyone," he whispers. Their faces are still so close, and Dave is shaking. He looks so scared.

"I won't."

"Don't – tell – anyone."

"I won't; I promise." Sam doesn't know how his voice is so steady when he can hear his heart drumming. It feels like everything's about to burst out of his skin. He must have assured Dave, though, because the hockey player hauls himself up to delicately touch his lips to Sam's.

When Dave drives Sam home, he looks like he had the biggest shock of his life.

"I thought you didn't like me like that."

"I don't," he answers quickly. "I'm not-"

"It's okay."

"But I'm not!" He sounds hysterical, and suddenly Sam feels sick.

"Then why'd you let me kiss you?" Sam looks out the window. "Is it just me? You're not – you don't get like this with any other guys?"

Dave only bites his lip and focuses on the road.

"I'm bi, you know. I haven't told anyone. Just some people at my old school. No one here. Not even my parents." Sam reaches out to put his hand on Dave's, the one on the stick, but Dave flinches away, terrified eyes flashing to Sam and back.

"Fuck." Sam's voice breaks. "_Fuck._ I never should have done this. I should have just kept to my goddamn self and not k-kiss-" He chokes on a sob. "Fucking _shit_! I ruined everything, didn't I?"

Dave's voice is quiet but steady. "No, you didn't."

That's when they reach Sam's house. Sam wants Dave to stop him before he goes, to tell him something to make him feel a little bit better, but he doesn't. Same rushes upstairs to lie on his bed. His face is buried into his pillow before Danny can notice he's back. Tally scrambles onto the bed and starts licking his ears. Sam rolls over, and Tally climbs up onto his chest before curling up.

"Tally, you're so nice," he says to her. "You always make me feel better." The beagle whines softly until Sam scratches her back.

Dave texts him, messages him on Facebook and Skype. Sam ignores it all. Sam wants to forget about the whole thing. He's in no state to face what he's done and the aftermath. Then Dave just shows up at Sam's house.

"Are your parents home?"

"No."

"Your brother?"

"He's at a friend's hou-"

Dave slams the door and snatches Sam's face, pulling the taller boy into a kiss. There's tongue. Dave Karofsky is voluntarily putting his _tongue_ in Sam's mouth. He's not too bad, either. Far from the best kisser Sam's had, but Sam doesn't notice because Dave is _here_ and because Dave is the one who kissed _him_.

"I shouldn't have said I didn't like you." Dave has that look on his face again, and he won't meet Sam's gaze. "I like your stupid enthusiasm about geeky stuff and how you work so hard at learning Na'vi and how much you love your dog and how you like to read even though it's hard for you, and I love your stupid big smile that's always fucking plastered to your face like everything's just so amazing."

"I'm always smiling because of you." It's just so hard to say. His throat closes around each of the words because they're the words Sam hoped would never leave the deep, dark place he's been keeping his feelings in. "You're so considerate and smart -" _but you're scared just like me._ Sam doesn't finish the sentence because he's not sure how it ends.

"What do we do?"

"I don't know," Sam says. He cups Dave's cheek, and the shocked look returns to Dave's face. Dave puts his hand over Sam's.

"We can't tell anyone, Sam; I would die if my parents found out."

Sam nods. "Me, too."

"Friends?"

"No." Dave drops Sam's hand in surprise. "Even if it's secret or whatever, I want to be more than that."

"B-boy-" But Dave can't get the word out.

"Yeah," Sam says. "That."

"What do we do now?" He looks completely lost.

"We could read _Behemoth_."

When Dave's reading, Sam reaches over to grab his hand. Dave doesn't stop him, even if he looks startled when Sam does it. The minute they hear the door opening, their arms shoot back. Sam's step-dad walks in.

"Hey, Sam," he says absentmindedly. "Hi, Dave. I didn't know you were coming over."

"It was a last minute thing," Dave answers. He clears his throat.

"Where's Danny?"

"At James's house, remember? Mom told you he'd be there last night." Sam's throat's gone dry.

"Oh, right. Is he going to be here for dinner? I was thinking of making pancakes or stir fry before your mother got home." Joel starts rummaging through the cupboards.

"Yeah. Mom's going to pick him up after work." Sam turns back to Dave. "D'you wanna go upstairs?" he whispers.

"No. I... I should go. I'll talk to you on Skype later."

"Okay."

He does, but he doesn't have a copy of _Behemoth_ yet, so they just talk. Neither of them knows what to talk about because they're afraid their parents will hear or because they can't get their feelings from their brains to their mouths. Still, when they sign off, Sam blows Dave a kiss. For a second, Dave looks like he has no idea what just happened; then he cracks up laughing.

"Shut up; that isn't funny!" Sam hisses. He's smiling, though.

"C'mon, Sam, what are you, five?"

"Just take the fucking kiss."

"Okay." He's still laughing, but he presses his palm to the computer screen before planting the hand on his mouth.

"I feel like one of those losers who practice making out with their hands."

"Yeah, well it's better than practicing with ex-girlfriends." He's half-joking because he wants to know if Dave even likes girls.

"It is not better."

"Well, I don't think either of us needs hands or ex-girlfriends to practice now."

Dave blushes, but he grins. He grins, and Sam loves it. That's where they end the night because it's perfect. That moment is all Sam thinks about until Tally hops onto his stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

"Gosh, you're getting fat." She woofs, and he scratches her head.


	6. Chapter 6 The Field

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Sam is the first one who has what he calls a "gay freak-out." He stares at Dave, chewing on his lip, before he finally kisses Dave. He gets really aggressive, pulling at Dave's clothes and biting Dave's shoulders and chest before Dave asks what's up. It scares Dave a little, moving so fast.

"It just hit me," Sam explained, "how much I could lose if people find out."

"About us?" Dave's leaning back on him.

"Yeah." Sam ruffles Dave's hair.

Sam's freak-outs are all like that; he gets scared first and then he tries to forget the future like he can merge with Dave if he just kisses him enough. They don't happen very often, either. Dave's freak-outs are nothing like that.

Dave has full-on panic attacks, shaking and rocking, with one thought running through his mind over and over: _Why do I have to be like this?_ If he's lucky, he gets bruises from how hard he's squeezing his arms. If he isn't, he starts repeating himself or crying. The worst is when Sam's there to see it because Sam has no idea what to do. Sam tries to talk him through it, and even though Dave can understand him, it's like nothing can get past that thought. _Why do I have to be like this?_ The third time Sam sees him break down, he just holds Dave. He looks so calm when Dave grabs onto him, cries into his shirt, digs his fingers into Sam's arms. When Dave calms down, Sam kisses his forehead.

"It's okay."

"No it's not." He's caught between knowing that it's not okay to feel this way and knowing his life would be better if he weren't gay.

"How often does this happen?"

"Not much. Once a week at most." More than that, actually, but w wasn't going to say so.

"Have you talked to your therapist about this?" Dave's hugging Sam's arm.

"I'm not telling her about this! I might as well prance out of the fucking closet on fire!"

Sam doesn't say anything; he just runs his hand back and forth over Dave's back. Dave's grateful he got someone as level-headed as Sam.

"I know people think you're stupid, but you've got to be one of the smartest people I know." Sam's face lights up, and Dave adores it. Maybe they can forget about his problems for a while.

Sam asks Dave to exercise with him. He thinks it will help Dave relieve some stress.

"Just once a week," Dave says. "I don't want people catching us together too much."

"But you could exercise at the same time as me."

"Yeah."

Dave jogs while Sam's on the treadmill; he does push-ups and sit-ups when Sam pumps irons. Dave tries to keep up with Sam's exercise schedule, but Sam does it so much. It's insane. When he sees Sam again on Thursday, he jokes about it.

"Damn, baby, it sure takes a lot to keep you in shape."

Sam laughs and kisses him. It's the first time Dave calls him baby, and he promises it won't be the last.

"I like exercise."

"Yeah, meat-head, I noticed." He smiles. "Hey, guess what?"

"What?"

"_Goliath_ is coming out in September."

"Really?"

"Yeah. The twentieth. That's a Tuesday, though."

"You wanna skip school? You can read it to me."

"Yeah." Dave kisses him. "Are you ready for training?"

Actual football games start a week after school does, but there are scrimmages and seven-on-sevens about to go. It's almost August. Once July finishes, they'll be practicing every day. Top that with his job and school come September, Dave figures he won't have time to think pretty soon. Maybe the panic attacks will stop. _Or they'll get worse._

Dave is more worried that he'll revert to his old self once practice starts. He doesn't want to hurt Sam; he doesn't want to hurt anyone this time. He repeats it in his head like a manta: _I am in control. _The day before practice starts, he and Sam are Skyping.

"I was talking to Finn today..."

"Was he planning on going for quarterback again? You could take that if you wanted."

"Actually, we were talking about Glee." Sam looks nervous.

"You're not trying to make me join, are you?" Dave wiggles closer to his laptop.

"It's about Kurt." Sam bites his lip. "He's coming back to McKinley, you know?"

"Oh." _I am in control._ "I'm not gonna – I don't want to hurt him, Sam."

"The guys are all planning to keep an eye on him, y'know?"

Dave nods.

"I don't think anyone would expect you to be too vocal after your suspension last year."

Except Kurt knew. _Kurt knew._ He hadn't even told Sam what he'd done.

"We think... there's a rumor that his boyfriend is going to transfer, too."

"Fuck." Shit, he wasn't supposed to say that out loud.

"Dave?"

"Fuck, Sam." He buries his face in his hands. "Kurt's going to figure it out."

"About us?"

"He already knows about – about me."

Sam looks confused. "What did you do?" He's very quiet. It doesn't matter if he's angry because Dave's angry at himself. How could he have let himself go like that?

"I kissed him."

"And that's why you threatened him."

Dave nods again.

"Well don't... just don't do it again."

"I'm not going to go around kissing other guys."

"You know what I mean."

"Can we talk about something else?"

Dave convinces his mother to spend the extra money on contacts since he can't exactly wear glasses during the games. She says they have to last all season, and through hockey season, so he's only allowed to wear them during the games and practice. He's gotten used to his glasses by now, especially when he's reading. The lines at the edges of this vision don't bother him, but it bothers him when they aren't there.

When he starts practice, Az rags on him for the glasses again. He teases him about reading too much, calling him "Princeton." It's an old nickname, and it feels good to have it back. It's not like he could actually go to an Ivy League, but it feels good to be called smart.

Sam's the best in shape, but Hudson still has precedence, so Bieste says they're going to duke it out in front of try-outs before she decides. Hudson gets three weeks. Sam's had all summer. Dave watches them, and he can see that Hudson's definitely more popular than Sam. Everyone's known Hudson since they were five, and even if his popularity took a bit of a hit because he stole Fabray, it was still coasting pretty high after they won the championship game.

Az teases him about the hickeys. He asks who they're from, but Dave says she has standards and wouldn't touch Az with a ten-foot pole. Az just laughs it off. Dave being secretive about his love life isn't anything new, and Dave hopes it stays that way.


	7. Chapter 7 The Dumpster

**A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated; I had to fly across the country for my grandmother's funeral for a week. I would have given warning, but there wasn't time. In other news, school is officially over, so I can get back on track.**

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

When David comes out from work one night, he walks by the dumpsters to get to his car. That's where he hears a kitten mewling. He gets down on the ground to look under the big orange pigsty, but there's nothing under there. One of the lids is up, so he lifts up the second one only to be welcomed by a fluffy, dirty, black and gray kitten no bigger than one of his hands. It whines at him, and he can see its gold eyes. When he sticks his hand in, the animal backs up and hisses.

He waits, wondering if, like a dog, it will sniff his hand. It does step forward and pats a tiny paw at his fingers.

"C'mere, kitty." He picks it up and puts it in the crook of his elbow. The cat squirms, then starts kneading his shirt and purring. "Well, aren't you cute. Where's your mom?" Dave frowned. Kittens usually came in multiples – where were the rest? He peers into the dumpster again, but he only sees an empty box. Maybe the kitten crawled out of it. Maybe the other kittens managed to get out of the dumpster, unlikely as it seems. Maybe the kitten was dropped off alone.

"Let's get you home, kitty."

Okay, maybe not home, not yet. He fumbles as he searches for his cell.

"Mom?" he asks when she picks up.

"Yeah, sweetie?" He hopes she saved some dinner for him.

"I just got off work. There was... There's a kitten, right? But there aren't any others, and I don't see its mom."

"Dave..."

"I don't want it to starve, Mom," he pleads.

She sighs. "Fine. At least until it's eight weeks old."

"Thanks! I can't wait till you see how cute it is." He smiled and continued on to his car, sending a quick text. He puts the kitten on his Letterman's jacket in the passenger seat. It mewls for a bit, but halfway to Sam's, it calms down and curls up in a pile. After he parks, he pulls his jacket on, and the kitten hisses before he pulls it into his arms.

Sam's face melts when he sees the dark kitten in Dave's arms.

"I don't know how to take care of a baby," Dave explains.

"My mom does." Tally is sitting at Sam's feet, but she can't see Dave yet. The second Dave walks in, she's barking happily at his knees, scaring the kitten.

"Tally, _down_!" Sam commands the beagle.

"Thanks for this, Sam." He smiles, and for a minute, Sam looks like he might kiss Dave. He doesn't, of course.

His mom's in the garage, pulling out cat stuff.

"Here's a box you can keep it in. Just put a towel at the bottom and change it every day." She looks at the kitten before picking it up. It mewls as she coos at it. "Well, it's a girl. About six weeks? She can eat canned food, anyways. I wouldn't recommend dry food."

"What's her name?" Sam asks.

"I haven't thought of a name; I just got it."

"Name it something cute," Sam whispers. "Like Professor River Song."

"How about no."

"Gwen Cooper?" Sam begs.

"No."

"Princess Leia?"

Dave shoots him a look. "No."

"Luna Lovegood?"

"I'm not even in Ravenclaw."

"No, I suppose you'd be in Slytherin."

"Hey! I'm a Hufflepuff."

"Since when do you believe in fairness?" Sam teased.

At the door, Sam excuses himself to help Dave. Dave puts the kitten in its box in the backseat. They both look around before Sam presses Dave up against his car, lips pressed against his. Dave puts his hands on Sam's back, and he can feel Sam's shirt riding up. He wants to touch Sam's skin so badly, and he thinks it's okay, so he slides his hands down just a little.

Sam's warm skin feels almost electric in the humid night air. Sam sighs quietly into Dave's ear. He scrapes his teeth along Dave's neck, and Dave can feel Sam's hands on his stomach as it tenses. Then Sam looks around again, and the fear is back, so they stop.

"Come over to my house after practice?" Dave pleads.

"Yeah." There's that lopsided smile. Dave wants to kiss him again, but he stops short of touching Sam, and even though Sam notices, he doesn't do anything about it, either.

In the car, the kitten meows until Dave at least puts the box in his lap.

"You're just high maintenance, aren't you?" He asks it. "Fancy pants." When he tells his mom, she thinks it's the cutest thing, so Fancy Pants is the kitten's name. Fancy Pants gets a spot in Dave's room, and before he goes to sleep, he wonders if she might turn out to be a lesbian. He laughs at the idea of a lesbian cat, then rolls over to see if anyone heard him.

The next afternoon, Sam's on top of him on that same bed. Dave has one hand clawing through his blonde hair, pulling him down every so often. The other one is creeping up Sam's chest because Dave wants to take his shirt off, but he doesn't want to stop kissing, either. He's worried, too, because he's not entirely sure what he'll do when Sam's shirt _is_ off. Everything he can think off seems stupid. Sam must have gotten impatient, though, because he tears it off himself like he's on a beach in a B rated movie. Dave just kisses him and palms his abs again. Then he slides his tongue over Sam's collarbone because Sam's skin tastes salty and dirty and delicious, and he's really hoping he can hear another one of those quiet sighs. He does, so he inches his mouth down Sam's sternum. Sam shivers under Dave's hands, and this has to be the best feeling in the world, if only his pants weren't so damn uncomfortable. He keeps going down, but he stops short of Sam's belt-line. Sam begs him breathlessly, and Dave considers it, one hand on his thigh. He can't do it. He isn't ready. Sam doesn't push him, and he's kind of relieved. He would never admit it, of course.

Afterwards, Dave asks Sam to keep his shirt off. He's also teasing Sam's shoulder, biting it lightly. Sam kisses him on the forehead before he agrees.

"I named the cat Fancy Pants."

"That is so lame."

"Like you're one to talk, Geekatron."

"Don't diss Tron." Sam winced as Dave bit a little too hard. "What's Miss Fancy up to now?"

"Sleeping." Dave pointed to the box on his desk. "I don't think she can climb out."

"She probably can; it's not that big."

"Well, she hasn't."

"That's probably good." Sam rolled onto his side and ran his hand through Dave's hair. His gray eyes were intense, and Dave was almost scared to wonder what he was thinking. "I should probably go home soon."

"Probably."

"I just wanna lie here talking to you, though."

Dave started to wrap his arms around Sam, but the sound of a car pulling into the driveway startled both of them off the bed.


	8. Chapter 8 The Restaurant

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Sam takes a bad hit during their first game. His rib is bruised, and he has to wear a brace on his wrist for six weeks. Coach Bieste won't let him stay on the team while his rib is still bad. His mom barely lets him stay on with Glee because of how much singing there is. He tries to make up for it by working out at home. He goes slower, and he spreads it all out more, but he's just so worried that he isn't doing enough to stay in shape, so he cuts out some food. If he isn't exercising so much, he doesn't need to eat as much, right?

The worst part is that making out with Dave is different now. Dave's gentler, and Sam can't be as aggressive as he likes. His wrist hurts, and if he gets too excited, breathing hurts, too.

They go out for burgers one Friday, and Sam doesn't order anything but fries.

"Sam, you have to eat something."

"I'm eating fries."

"Dude. Get a burger."

"I don't need a burger."

Dave doesn't look happy, but he changes the subject. Sam touches his knee under the table, and for a second, David looks like he's been electrified. Sam licks his lips, not breaking eye contact.

"Sam..."

"Please, Dave, just this once." They're whispering. "We're on a date; I want to kiss you. Please."

Dave looks like his heart is breaking. He looks around, but they're not exactly in the back of the restaurant. "We could go to the bathroom."

It's a compromise, and it's the best he's going to get. "I'll meet you there in five minutes."

"I'll be in the third stall if it's empty."

The bathroom's empty when Sam walks in, and he finds Dave standing, hunched over, on the toilet. Dave hops down, and Sam kisses him slowly. This is horrible. He should be able to kiss his boyfriend wherever he wants, but they're too scared to do it where anyone can see. When someone walks in, Dave steps onto the toilet again, but he goes right on kissing Sam. There's something a bit sexy and dirty about doing this while someone else can catch them. Dave is trying to give him a hickey on one of his abs. Sam scrunches his eyes so he can focus on not making a sound. Still, he goes to rub the crotch of Dave's pants.

"That's what you get for being a fucking tease," Sam hisses as the guy outside washes his hands. Dave doesn't saying anything, he just stares up at Sam and licks that spot again. Sam can't tear his eyes away from that tongue. "Jesus." Then Dave moves lower. "Fuck. You're not gonna -" He starts to unzip Sam's pants. "Not here." They kiss a bit more, then Dave goes back to their table. Sam washes his face and checks out the new, small bruise he's going to have. He hopes the guys don't notice or at least don't ask questions.

Dave doesn't bitch about his fries again, but when they're walking back, something happens, and Sam opens his eyes to see Dave standing over him.

"Sam. Oh my god, Sam." Dave pulls him up to help him hobble to the car. Sam doesn't feel like hobbling, though; he feels okay.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

"What happened?"

"You passed out. What the fuck?" Sam slid into the passenger seat. "I'm taking you home."

Sam wheedles a few kisses out of Dave before he makes the blonde get out of the car. Sam realizes he does feel dizzy. Dave tells Sam's mom what happened, and Sam doesn't try to talk it down or anything because he's scared, too. What's wrong with him? Are his ribs making it that hard to breathe? He stays home so that Nathan can take him to the doctor on Monday.

The doctor doesn't talk to him about results; he just asks question and tells Nathan stuff in the hall. It can't be that bad, can it? But Nathan calls his mom while she's at work, and he makes sure Sam can't hear him.

_How was the doctor's? _**- Dave **

_I have no idea. Nathan isn't telling me. _**- Sam **

_What the fuck._ – **Dave**

_I'm freaking out, dude._ -** Sam **

_Do you want me to come over after practice? _**- Dave**

_Please. -_ **Sam**


	9. Chapter 9 The Clinic

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

When Dave gets to Sam's house, he has a suitcase on his bed. It's already halfway filled.

"What's going on?"

"They're sending me to a clinic."

"What? For what?"

Sam hugs him. He rests his forehead on Dave's shoulder, and Dave watches as his shoulders shake. He listens as Sam tries to hold back his tears, breathing in almost hiccups.

"They s-said I have an eating disorder – exercise bulimia."

"What's that?" Dave sits down on Sam's bed, and Sam sits on his desk chair, burying his head in his hands.

"I guess it's like being addicted to exercise or something, and if you don't get enough, you eat less."

"You have been eating less since you got kicked off the team." Dave wraps Sam's hand in one of his own.

"And I've been exercising more, I know. I just -" He looks up at Dave. "When I hear it, it makes sense, but I don't _feel_ sick. I feel fine."

"It wasn't fine when you passed out on Friday. It was scary."

Sam lets go of any semblance of "not crying" he had, and Dave doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what to do, so he just remembers what Sam does when he has a panic attack. He hugs Sam, rubs his back, and tells him it's going to be alright.

"You'll go to the clinic, and they'll help you!" He doesn't say anything about how much he's going to miss Sam, but who's going to be there when he has another "gay freak out"?

"I don't wanna go! Why can't they help me here?"

It's a while before Dave can think of anything. "Your parents are just doing what the doctor says. Maybe they'll be able to figure out how to help you here while you're gone."

"You'll visit me, right?"

"Of course I'll visit you." Dave kisses him. He sort of wishes he could have gone through with that blow job on Friday because he's not comfortable trying it while Sam's parents are downstairs. Not that Sam's in the mood for that.

_It would probably cheer him up, though._

"What's going to happen, Dave?" His gray eyes look so confused. "I'm not allowed to take my laptop or my cellphone, and my phone calls are going to be monitored."

"They just want to make sure you don't try anything." Dave actually has no idea, but he's hoping for the best. "It'll be okay. I'll visit you every day if you want me to. I'll quit the team and go."

"Don't do that. Just come over on weekends."

"Are you sure?" Dave rubs his thumb over Sam's.

"Yeah." Sam kisses him.

"Do you need help packing?"

"Would you?" Sam asks, but it's not long before they're done, and Sam's pushing Dave against his door so no one can get in.

Dave loves it when Sam's aggressive. Dave runs his hands up Sam's T-shirt because sometimes he just can't get enough of Sam's abs. Sam tucks his hands into Dave's waistband, and Dave shivers – right up against Sam, who's hard. That doesn't exactly make it easy to remember that Sam's parents are downstairs. When Sam squeezes his ass, he can't help but moan a little.

"I wanna stay here with you."

"Fuck, Sam…" he whispers. Sam kisses his neck and uses one hand to work Dave's zipper. Shit. Sam Evans, notorious nice guy and hot jock, wants to whip out Dave's dick. It feels great, even if he's nervous. "What if someone hears?"

"Just be quiet, okay? You can do that, right?" He better be able to do that because being outed is exactly the worst thing that could happen right now. Dave nods, and Sam kisses him again. The first time Sam palms Dave's cock, Dave digs his hands into Sam's back. Sam explores him so slowly it's almost painful. Once Sam gets the lotion from his nightstand, it feels like heaven. Sam doesn't stop kissing him, and he doesn't stop touching him with his other hand, either. Dave isn't sure if it's a blessing or a curse that the fear of getting caught keeps him from coming too soon. Sam scrambles to clean up, swearing as he wipes the carpet. He throws away the paper towels that were stashed in a desk drawer. Dave ruffles his hair, and hugs him from behind.

"They're not coming up here, right?"

"Nope." _He isn't having another gay freak-out, right?_

"I don't know what I would do if they found out."

Right now, Dave knows his job is to reassure Sam. "They won't."

"They have to eventually." Dave doesn't adjust his glasses even though Sam's back is pushing the handles into his face.

"Yeah, eventually. When you're ready."

"What if they find out earlier than that?"

"It'll be okay."

"What about you? How do you think your parents would react?" Sam wriggles out of Dave's grip and lies on the floor. Dave lays himself on top of him to kiss Sam's jaw. Sam pops a smile.

"I think my dad would be okay with it. I mean, I know he's okay with gay people; I just don't know if that includes me. I think Mom would be fine; she was probably the one who taught him tolerance or acceptance or whatever the fuck he's preaching now."

"I'm going to be away for three weeks."

"That's like half the quarter." Three weeks without Sam? Maybe he could take off practice a few days to visit. He'd do it without hesitation if the team wouldn't figure out something was up.

"I'll find people to take notes for me."

"I can take some notes for you. When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow after school." Better than tomorrow morning. "Promise to come this Saturday?"

"Before the game. We don't have practice on Friday, either; I can go after school."

"Please?"

"Of course."

When he gets there, though, most of New Directions is there. Oops.

"What are you doing here?" Hummel asks. There isn't terror in his voice, not quite, but Dave can tell he's nervous.

"Visiting Sam, what d'you think?" He's annoyed; he was hoping he could just visit Sam in peace. Now that people who actually know Sam are here, he's going to end up spending his time listen to them and making fake conversation with his boyfriend. They won't even get to hold hands.

He reminds himself that Sam will be glad to see that these people care about him.

"Oh, so you two are buddies now?"

"Shut up, Kurt," Santana breaks in. "This is not about you. Yeah, whatever, you don't want him anywhere near you, so go play in the kiddie corner while the rest of us act like adults."

The new kid – the one dating Kurt – pulls Kurt away and starts whispering, probably comforting stuff. Mr. Schue goes to talk to him, too, but Santana heads over to Dave.

"This week has been complete shit," Dave says.

"Yeah, you two are like best friends now, right?" she comments. Her arms are still crossed.

"I guess."

"You brought your backpack." She toed in, then pulled back before she could scuff her heel.

"I've been taking some notes for him."

"Oh, right. Quinn and Blaine and Finn and Kurt are all doing that, too."

Dave frowned at the mention of Kurt's name.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Why'd you bully Kurt so badly last year?"

Dave looks into Santana's eyes, and he can't answer her. He can't even pull out some homophobic lie because he doesn't want to be that person anymore. He's worked hard all summer to be someone else, and even now, he can't tell his friend the truth.

"Are you in love with him?"

"What?"

"Are you in love with Kurt?"

"No!" He did have a bit of a crush on Kurt, but that was mostly the confidence. Confidence is sexy. The bullying was mostly jealousy, a bit of projection, and the idea that Kurt represented everything that was wrong with him.

"What about Sam?"

"No…"

She shakes her head. "You're a horrible liar." She sighs. "It doesn't matter too much. I'm a lesbian."

"What? But all those guys -"

"I like guys in bed, but that's it. I've only ever had feelings for girls."

"But doesn't that make you bi?" Dave's confused.

"It's my label; I'll do what I want with it."

"Okay."

"Does he know?"

"Who?"

"Does Sam know you like him? 'Cause he's cool with the whole gay thing; he'd still be cool with you."

"I -" He can't think of anything to say. Santana squints and starts to tilt her head, but Brittany pulls her away because New Directions is going to visit Sam first


	10. Chapter 10 The Lobby

**A/N: FF . net was having trouble uploading my documents,**** so I've been e-mailing them to my sister so she can upload them. Hopefully, this problem will be fixed soon, but until then there might be delays between uploads.**

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Sam hates it at the clinic. He feels constantly uncomfortable, no matter how many times the therapists, doctors, and nurses tell him they're just going to help him. He _knows_ that, but what they don't get is that he just really wants to go home. They won't let him exercise at all, but they make him eat a full meal even though he isn't hungry. He isn't hungry because he can't help but think about how disgusting it tastes in his mouth and how he's going to get fat and please can he just go home? He breaks down on the second day because he's stumbling through _Ender's Game_. He remembers how Dave would read to him every night, and he misses it. He misses how his brother would watch Torchwood with him and give him the brightest smile. He misses how his mother would tease him about his hair. He misses how Nathan would talk about football with him. He wants to go home.

The third day, his mother comes to visit him. She rushes up to him and squeezes him like she could absorb him back into her womb if she hugs hard enough. She asks how it is, and he refuses to cry or say he wants to leave because he knows it'll break her heart. He has to get better for her. He swears to himself that he'll do his best from now on. She tells him the whole family will visit on Sunday and that his father is going to fly out to see him next week.

"I'm so sorry, Sammy." She puts a hand on his cheek, and he feels like he's five again. "I miss you so much. I keep thinking this is my fault, and I know it's not... You must be miserable here. I want you home, but -"

"No, Mom, I need to get better." There's a lump in his throat. "I don't want... I need to take care of myself, right? And I can't do that if I'm sick."

"We're seeing a therapist, you know? So we all know how to adjust when you come back. So you don't relapse or anything." She drops her hand to the table, and Sam takes it. "Nathan is selling your exercise equipment, Sam. I'm sorry."

"I..." He feels sick. "It's okay, Mom." He tells himself that it's for the best. Maybe if he says it enough, he'll believe it. "The doctors say I'm focusing on the wrong thing, using exercise to regulate my weight instead of to stay healthy."

"I... the doctors say you should stay off the football team."

"What?" Sam's face falls. "Why?"

"Because it's so exercise intensive. It if were just the games, they'd be all for it. They wanted me to keep you out of Glee, too, but I know how much that means to you."

"I can't even play football."

He promised he wouldn't cry, but back in his room, he loses it. He wants to be normal. For one shining second, he wishes he could trade liking boys for being another healthy teenager. Then he looks at his copy of _Ender's Game_ and knows that he would miss Dave too much. He picks it up and struggles through it, mouthing the words, but he gets a headache from squinting so much. He hates being dyslexic. He hates everything right now. He walks to the receiving room and signs out a phone. Dave picks up after six rings.

"Hello?" Of course he doesn't recognize the center's phone number.

"Hey, baby. It's Sam."

"Baby? Really?"

"I miss you. Can you tell?" He smiles a little. "How long do you have to talk?"

"I have work in an hour."

"So, thirty minutes?"

"Yeah. I miss you. Classes are really easy, so you won't have too much to catch up on when you come back. I've been trying to take good notes..."

"Thanks, baby."

"Are you really going to call me that?" Dave asks. Sam isn't sure if he's embarrassed because it sounds girly or because it's a bit romantic.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"... No."

Sam grins. "I won't... baby."

"Are you gonna call me that in public?"

"Maybe."

"You're so bad." He gives a half-laugh, though, so Sam knows it's okay. "When you get out, I'll take you out to dinner."

"Really?"

"Yeah, anywhere you wanna go. We'll even make out in a bathroom stall."

"Romantic."

"I'll hold your hand under the table."

"Are you gonna kiss me at the door, too?"

"If you want me to."

Calling Dave was a good idea.

When New Directions comes to visit him on Friday, Sam's surprised. Everyone either hugs him or pats him on the back. He gets most of his class notes and a week's worth of gossip. They keep him updated on choices for Sectionals even though that's not until November. He tells them about having to quit football for good and how his dad's coming to visit.

He leans over, and through the glass doors, he can see Dave sitting in the lobby, looking nervously back at him. He has a book in his hands.

"We wish you were back at school," Mercedes says. "Everyone's been on edge since you left."

"Just two more weeks." Sam shrugs. "How bad can it be?"

Rachel looks like she's about to say something, but she thinks better of it.

"Dude," Finn says, "if you need anything after this, just call. We're here for you."

When Dave comes in, Sam can see that he brought a copy of _Ender's Game._

"I thought I could read it to you." He looks around first, but before Dave starts reading, Sam puts his hand on top of Dave's. They're resting on the table where anyone could see. Dave stares at him for a second, but he opens the book without saying anything.

This is the one place Sam doesn't worry about what other people will think, and it's the one place he wants to leave the most. He doesn't think about that, though; he just listens to Dave read about genius children fighting an alien war.


	11. Chapter 11 The Phone

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Dave won't stop pacing. It's making Fancy Pants nervous, so he lets her out. He keeps thinking about Sam and how hard it must be for him. He wishes he kissed him at the clinic last week. He's going to see him again on Saturday, and Sam promised he'd call today since Dave's off work, but Dave's so worried. Is he getting better? What if he gets worse? What if he comes back and Dave says or does the wrong thing? What if Sam wants them to come out to everyone? He wants to be there for Sam, but what if someone notices? What if they guess the truth?

He's wringing his hands together, but then it hurts, so he moves them onto his wrists. He squeeze his hands up and down his arms, the fingers digging into his skin and making bunches of red marks on his flesh. When he realizes what's happening, it scares him even more, but he can't stop himself from scraping his fingers over his scalp. That's when the tears come, and he manages to shove his hands against the sides of his head. Finally, they're still, and Dave can only think one thing: _Why do I have to be this way?_ At the end of it, he's staring at his ceiling, waiting for his breath to slow. He has a headache now, and his face is red. He wipes it off.

Fancy Pants paws at the door, so he opens it to let her slink in. She rubs against his legs, and he picks her up. She mewls at him until he pets her. That's when his phone rings.

"Sam?" His voice is still raw.

"Hey."

"How are you?" _Please be good. Please be getting better._

"I'm good. I made a few friends. There are like, two other guys here, and one's in college. Some of the girls are nice, too, though. Alice thinks I'm funny but dorky. Daryl is a bit of a nerd like me. I'm getting used to not exercising. They're letting me play outside a bit."

"That's great!" Dave smiles.

"Are you okay, baby?"

"I... You know, one of those..."

"You had a panic attack?" Dave pictures him frowning with that perfect mouth of his.

_Sam needs to get better, but so do I._ "Yeah, just a few minutes ago."

"Why? I thought... I thought they were happening less?"

"They are, but they aren't gone. I just... I was just worried about you – about us, you know, after you get out." Dave swallows. "What if I can't help you right?"

"You'll do fine. They're probably going to give me papers to hand out to all my friends or something. I don't know. You can Google it. Dave," he whispers, "is this about coming out or something? Because I'm not ready, and if you're still having panic attacks, you're not either. When I come back, I'm not going to just hang all over you. No one's going to out you; I promise."

"I love you."

"I-I love you, too. If you feel one coming on or anything, you know... Just call me, okay? They'll announce it on the intercom. Please?" he begs.

"Got it. I don't know if it'll help."

"It helps when I'm there, right?" His voice betrays his hope.

"It doesn't _stop_ it, but I like it better when you're there," Dave whispers.

"I wish I could help."

Dave smiles. "That's how I feel about you. Do you want me to read to you? I kind of want to forget everything right now."

"Yeah."

The next day at school, a boy in his history class taps him on the shoulder. It's Travis. He's not exactly a new transfer, but he doesn't exactly belong to a clique, either. He's lean and tall, with shaggy brown hair and dark brown eyes.

"Hey, do you know where that Sam kid is? I asked people, and they said you'd know."

"He's at a clinic. He'll be back by Halloween." Dave frowns. People told this kid to as _him_ and not one of the Glee kids? Fuck.

"A clinic? Dude, is he okay?"

Dave shrugs. "Nothing too serious." Compared to drugs, anyways, but Dave doesn't want to tell this kid what's up. "Why?"

"He just disappeared... I'm friends with him, you know."

"Yeah, you're sort of friends with a lot of people."

"Well he plays guitar, so sometimes he hangs with the band kids like me." Travis frowns. "I'm not a big fan of too many of the Glee kids, though. They get too _uppity_ sometimes, you know? Not that I'm saying they should be slushied."

"You're gonna get slushied if you get me in trouble for talking in class."

"You're not as nice as Sam."

"Yeah, well, I'm taking notes for him, okay?" Dave turns back around.

On Friday, Santana is inviting everyone to a Halloween party. She says she's already invited Sam and that Finn and Kurt are getting him a costume or something.

"Don't worry, cubby. I won't tell anyone you're in love with him."

"Then why do you keep saying it? Do you want someone to overhear you?" She rolls her eyes, but he can't help but feel she might already know how Sam feels about him. He hasn't told Sam that Santana knows – how was Sam going to feel when he found out she might know about him?


	12. Chapter 12 Sam's Room

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

When Sam gets out that third Friday, Dave goes to visit him. He's lying on his bed, and he hears Dave drive up. His mom directs Dave upstairs. Sam's nervous, and it isn't because his mom is going to give Dave a talk about Sam's disorder before he leaves. He wonders how Dave's changed in these three weeks and how his illness is going to affect things. He doesn't get up from his bed.

Dave closes the door and sits next to Sam. He pushes Sam's bangs out of the way.

"I – you're here."

"I missed you," Sam tells him. He scoots closer to the wall, patting the space beside him. "Lay down." When he does, Dave puts rests his arm over Sam's chest. Dave leans in to kiss his neck. "My parents are downstairs, okay?" He just gets a muffled "mm-hm" before Dave licks the bridge of his ear. _It's been too long._ Sam's arm snakes over Dave's thigh. Dave's fingers trail over his chest, and Sam turns his head to kiss him. Dave rolls on top of him, and his right leg just slides between Sam's legs. When Sam squeezes his ass, Dave's hips jerk forward, and shit, does it feel good.

"You like that?" he asks. Dave doesn't answer, but Sam licks his lips slowly. Dave twitches again, and Sam can just barely feel it. Sam gives an experimental thrust of his hips. Dave swears. "_Do_ you like it?" Dave just blushes, so this time, Sam holds his boyfriend at the hips and really grinds into him. Dave emits a deep, nasally moan, and Sam knows he has him. "Tell me you like it."

"I like it," Dave admits. He bites his lip and looks away. His face is still red.

"Tell me you want more."

"Sam..."

"Just say it, okay?"

"I want more..." he mumbles.

"I can't hear you."

Dave drops down until his nose is almost touching Sam's. He's staring straight into the blonde's eyes. "I want more," he says clearly.

_Fuck, that's hot._ He pushes his hips again. His pants hurt a bit, but that's the price of frotting.

"Sam, we can't be loud," Dave says. "Your parents can hear us."

"When we do this for real," Sam promises, "I'm going to make you scream."

"Oh my _God_," Dave whispers. Sam reaches down to rub over Dave's crotch, and he presses his legs up again. Dave's harder than he is. He'd forgotten what all this felt like, what it was like t touch Dave, to have this pressure building inside, to keep control of those desires. Knowing he's the one making Dave so turned on feels amazing.

They kiss, and David scratches his chest. Sam holds Dave's ass down so he can pump against him. Sam kisses Dave's throat when Dave interrupts him.

"Don't you dare make my cum in my pants, Evans."

"Are you gonna stop me?"

"Not in my _pants_."

So they flip over. Being on top gives Sam more control, and he watched the desire on Dave's face morph with each movement. He lips his lips as he unzips Dave's pants. He slides Dave's dick out. He'd be lying if he said he didn't miss this, too.

"This isn't fair; I haven't even seen yours yet."

"You're the one worried about coming in your pants."

Sam leans down (relishing in a breathless "oh my God" from Dave) to lick the head of Dave's cock. Dave shudders. This is utterly nasty in the best way possible. Sam takes more of it in, but he can't fit the whole thing; he has to work the rest with his hands. He promises to look up tips on deep throating later, but right now it doesn't matter. Dave's grabbing onto his hair, struggling not to make any noise. It becomes a game: Sam tries to get Dave to moan or say something, and Dave does his best to stay silent. Sam wins more than Dave.

"Sam – I'm gonna y'know..." The score is ten to seven, and Dave cums. He probably looks stupid doing it, but Sam tries to look absolutely obscene as he slurps it all up.

Dave can't take his eyes off Sam, even when he's all buttoned up again. Dave pulls him into a kiss, and this time Sam is the one whose ass is being grabbed.

Words hang in the air somewhere between _I love you_ and _I missed you_.


	13. Chapter 13 The Lake

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Dave picks up Sam for the party. It's sort of a "Welcome Back" party for Sam, but Dave's not telling Sam that. For the most part, it's a Halloween party. It took Dave a while to figure out what to go as, but he finally decided to go as Captain Jack from _Doctor Who_ and _Torchwood_. He almost decided on the Doctor himself, but he doesn't look good in blue or brown suits. Sam thinks his glasses are sexy, but Dave puts in contacts because glasses don't go with the outfit. The cool thing about being Captain Jack Harkness is that if anyone asks what he does, he can say he saves the world and captures aliens.

Dave gasps when Sam opens the door. He's wearing a suit.

"You cut your hair. And dyed it?" It's a dark brown now.

"It's comb-in. I'm supposed to be James Bond." Sam smiles. "But you're Captain Jack. Now I look like Ianto."

Dave blushes – Ianto was Captain Jack's boyfriend in _Torchwood._ "Well, hopefully no aliens decide to kill you."

"Not while you're around." He calls to his mom that he's leaving with Dave, then closes the door. "So why'd you wanna pick me up early?"

"We're eating dinner first." Dave smiles. _It's a date. I'm going on a date with my boyfriend._ He starts driving, and Sam puts his hand on Dave's knee. They're almost to the park by the lake when Sam starts rubbing his leg. "You're making it hard to drive."

"You bet I'm making it hard, baby."

"Jesus, Sam. Are you seriously going to do this before we even eat?"

"If you let me, yeah."

Dave just pulls over. "Cockslut." Talking dirty always seems fun in porn. Not to mention that it turns him on. Sam laughs and kisses him. Dave doesn't want Sam on top, though. This would be the third time Sam's been in Dave's pants, and Dave really just wants to see Sam's dick. So he leans forward, pushing Sam back into his own seat. Sam catches on, and he stops kissing Dave to adjust his seat. Dave sits on top of him, hands running through Sam's hair. Dave palms Sam's crotch.

"Dave," Sam says breathlessly. "We should wait until after the party."

"Why?" Dave doesn't want to stop; he loves the feel of Sam lying under him, the sounds Sam makes in his throat when Dave does something just right.

"What if people notice? Or if we ruin our costumes..." Oh, right. It definitely wouldn't go unnoticed, especially since this party was, in part, about Sam. For a second, he wishes they were out, but he pushes the thought away before it can scare him.

"I just want to see it..."

"What? My cock?" The horny look in Sam's eyes is enough to make him forget about the party altogether. Too bad they have to go.

"Yeah." Sam contemplates this, and Dave starts playing with his zipper. "Please?" He looks right into Sam's eyes as he says it because he knows that turns Sam on. "I'll just look, I swear."

"Liar," Sam answers softly. He clears his throat.

"I bet you'd say yes to Captain Jack," Dave teases. He wonders if Sam is into roleplay because it sounds fun. _He'd probably cream his pants if I showed up with a TARDIS. I bet he'd fuck me up against the console._ Not that Dave (or anyone, for that matter) is skilled enough to make something that's bigger on the inside than the outside.

"After the party, I promise." Sam looks sexy as a brunette, and Dave decides to convince him to go natural later.

"What are we talking about, exactly?" He might be able to get laid, but he's not sure he's ready.

"Depends on how much you drink because I'm not a fan of drunk sex."

"I'm not drinking; I'm the designated driver." Sam can't drive a stick-shift.

"Okay, then I'm probably going to rock your world." Dave kisses him again before he opens Sam's door to go back around and drive.

"So we're going to the park?" Dave smiles.

"Yeah. There's picnic stuff in the back."

Sam picks a hill between the park and the lake. It's completely dark except for the moon. The angle's wrong, though, so it doesn't reflect on the water. Still, it's a beautiful sight. Dave lays out the large, thick sheet be brought, then Sam opens up the basket Dave found in his attic. They were cleaning it out, and his mom started talking about how they would go out for picnics when Dave was little. That's what gave Dave the idea to do this. He didn't tell his mom who he was taking, just some mystery girl. She was all over it, and she helped him make a lot of the food. Thanks to her great storage methods, the food was warm and the drinks were cold.

"So we have stuffing – really good stuffing, too, it's my family's old recipe – wedding soup, mashed potatoes, bread and butter, and sparkling cider to top it off."

"Sounds delicious." His eyes crinkle up as he smiles. Dave's proud of himself for cooking up this idea. He's glad he picked food Sam likes, too.

"Thanks, beautiful."

Sam snorts. "Beautiful? Really?"

"You are. Sitting here with me when we don't have to worry what other people think, you just smile... You make my whole world beautiful, Sam."


	14. Chapter 14 Puck's House

**A/N:** **You may have noticed a new story of mine ("Growing Up") is supposed to be a Daddies fic using this one as the background. I almost listed BST as "completed" until I realized there were storylines represented in Growing Up that **_**had**_** to be completed in BST. We get a few more chapters, and then it's done. I'd say... five more. Welcome to the beginning of the end.**

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

"Are you cold?" David asks Sam. "Because I could give you my coat. I know you wanna wear it."

"You're such a gentleman." Sam rolls his eyes. "No, I'm not cold. That jacket looks sexy on you, though." David kisses him. It's soft and sweet, and Sam's glad he got through the clinic. He's glad he's getting better.

"You should wear suits every day," Dave tells him. "I have a thing about suits."

"Really? Do you get an erection when you watch awards shows?"

"My sister does."

"Come on, we're gonna be late for the party."

Dave holds his hand on the way to the car. After the put the leftover picnic equipment in the trunk, Dave tugs Sam towards himself to kiss him on the cheek. "I can't get enough of you."

"Me? You dressed up as _Captain Jack_. Don't act like you didn't do that for me."

"He's a total BAMF though."

In the car, Sam checks his hair to make sure it's still slicked back. "Don't make out with Santana this time." Dave shoves him playfully.

At the party, there's a banner taped to the table. "Welcome Back, Sam!" His teammates and friends have all signed it. Dave's name is right along the bottom curve of the S. There's alcohol, of course, but Sam isn't going to drink if he's getting laid later.

_Besides, doesn't beer make you gain we- No, I have to stop thinking like that._ He feels a hand on his shoulder, and he turns to see Kurt.

The brunette smiles sweetly and reaches up to hug Sam. "I'm so glad you're back."

"Thanks, Kurt." Should he tell him? If anyone could understand, it would be Kurt.

"You know, white boy," Mercedes ads, coming up behind him, "if you ever wanna talk, we're all here for you. I know what I've been through isn't the same as having an eating disorder, but people judge me for how I look all the time."

"Thanks, 'Cedes."

"Let's go dance."

"Wait," Santana cuts in. "I have to talk to him."

"You better be good, San. This boy has been through enough." Mercedes looks annoyed.

"I'll play nice." She looks back at Sam.

"Save me a dance, Sam." She isn't flirting; she just wants to be closer friends. His mom talked to him about things like this happening.

"I'll save you _both_ a dance," Sam promises.

"Looking forward to it," Kurt says.

Santana pulls Sam to the kitchen. "David's gay."

It takes Sam a second to think of anything to say. "When did you start calling him David and why is that any of my business?"

"Believe it or not, Dave and I are friends. I've known he's gay for a couple of weeks now." A couple of weeks... when Sam was in the clinic. Did he talk to her?

"Okay, so what? Do you think I'm going to beat him up or something? Why are you outing him if he trusted you enough to tell you that?"

"Because he keeps checking out your ass."

"How is that different from a girl checking me out?" Sam whispers. He can't let people overhear this. _If I out Dave, I swear I'll come out, too._ It's half-way between a prayer and a bargain.

"I just thought you'd want to know."

He's pissed. "No, you wanted to have fun." He turns to leave.

"You like guys, don't you?" The words stop him in his tracks.

"So in order to not be a prejudiced asshole, I have to be bi?" _Oops._ He should have said 'gay.' Bi is too specific... and Santana knows that. She can see it on his face.

"Do you like him?" Santana whispers. "Because I know he likes you. That's how I figured it out, when he went to visit you at the clinic. He said he didn't like Kurt when I asked, so I asked him about you... He knows I know, too."

"Just leave us alone, Santana."

She let him walk away this time.

"Hey, dude!" It's Finn. He's over by the keg.

"I thought we were only supposed to drink over the summer."

"I'm monitoring it so people don't drink and drive. There's, like, a list of designated drivers or something out on the porch." Finn shrugs. "Puck knows how to do it; he's been having these sorts of parties for ages. Are you glad to be back?"

"Yeah, I'm cool. The quarter's over, so I don't have to do any homework. I just need the notes so that I understand where all my classes are at."

"Are you going back on the football team?" Finn asks.

"No, my mom won't let me. I'm not healed up, either. I get to stay in Glee, though."

"That's good. It's too late for Sectionals, but maybe you'll get a solo for Regionals." He smiles encouragingly.

"If I can take on Rachel," he jokes.

It's midnight when he and Dave leave. He turns back to make sure Santana isn't looking at him, but he only sees Kurt smiling as he looks for Mercedes's heels. They wave to each other.

"Your place?" Dave asks.

"Only if we wanna be quiet."

"So this is really happening?" Dave blinks and turns his key in the ignition.

"If you want it to. No pressure."

"I'm nervous."

"I guess... Well, the first time you have sex with anyone can make you nervous. Everything is new, and you're not sure if you're doing something the way they're used to or the way they like it."

"Well, we can't go to my house."

"We could stay in the car, but it'll be cramped..."

"I don't care. We probably can't do it in your subdivision though."

"Why not? That would be hot."

"Exhibitionist." He slides his hand onto Sam's knee. "Slut."

Sam cringes. "Don't call me that."

"It's just dirty talk. Don't you like it?"

"Not... stuff like that. It's just a thing, alright? Bisexuals get called sluts a lot, so it's just – it's too real."

"Okay. Maybe you could do the talking."

"I'll keep that in mind when I have my dick up your ass." Dave blushes. "You really do like that, don't you?" Sam picks Dave's hand off his knee and brings it to his mouth. Dave shivers as Sam sticks his tongue out and slides two of Dave's fingers past his lips.

"Sam, I'm _driving._"

Sam lets go of Dave's fingers. "Pull over, then." It only takes a few minutes for Dave to pull off the highway and park near some houses. "I bet," he says as Dave climbs onto him, "you want us to get caught, too. I bet you want people to watch."

"You should talk dirty all the time."

"You should suck my dick." He didn't expect Dave to go for it, but when Dave responds by unzipping Sam's pants, Sam releases the seat and pulls back.


	15. Chapter 15 Dave's Car

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

The fear is Dave's stomach is salt, heightening his lust. Sam's hand is on the top of Dave's head, and he can hear Sam muttering to him.

"You want to suck my dick, don't you?" Sam asks. "God, Dave, you want it bad, don't you?" Dave doesn't say anything; he's afraid he _can't_ say anything. He's afraid he'll make some ridiculous noise. It doesn't matter that Sam's noises are just so fucking hot. What if Sam isn't into it? Instead, he inches Sam's pants down his legs to reveal his boxers. "You're such a slut, Dave."

He can't ignore that. He knew he liked dirty talk; he hadn't known he liked being insulted like that. He moaned but kept his mouth clamped shut.

"How badly do you want my cock?" Sam's voice is dark and sweet at the same time. "C'mon," he begs, "tell me."

Dave looks into his eyes, licks his lips, and slides Sam's boxers down his thighs. Sam responds by grinding his ass back into the chair.

The first thing Dave notices about Sam's dick was that it isn't circumcised. Most Americans were – though from what he'd heard online, most Latinos weren't. The problem is he's not entirely sure what to do with it. Are you supposed to do different stuff with a foreskin? He kisses a searing hot sliver of skin just by Sam's hips. Sam bites on his lips and groans.

It's driving Dave wild, and Sam knows it, that bastard. Dave's tongue darts out, and an "oh, god" escapes Sam's mouth as he grinds back into the seat again.

"Please say something, Dave," Sam pleads.

"I'm going to make you forget how to say 'god' because all that's going to come out of that pretty mouth of yours is my name."

"Please, Dave, _please_ -" His words are cut off by a whimper when Dave licks the head on Sam's penis. Dave pushes his tongue down the bottom of Sam's cock, easing it into his mouth.

This is where he gets excited. He knows he's going to impress Sam because he doesn't have a gag reflex. He slides it past the entrance to his throat.

"Shit, Dave -" and then Dave starts sucking. "Oh, god, Dave, don't stop, please!"

_Not on your life,_ Dave thinks, but he just tastes the warmth of Sam's skin and the slight bitterness of his precum. The longer he works his head up and down Sam's shaft, the more sore his throat gets, but it's such a _good_ ache. Sam hisses when Dave slips up one time, accidentally puts a bit of teeth out. Dave's pulling back when Sam comes, and some of it gushes out to dribble on Dave's chin.

"Fuck, that's hot." Sam leans down and licks some of it off Dave's face. Sam's right: It _is_ hot. Sam kisses him, and he can taste Sam's cum again. Dave feels Sam's hands on his ass, and Sam turns his head. "I'm going to fuck you so hard..." Dave holds his breath as Sam unzips his jeans. "Let's switch places. Did you bring condoms?"

"In the glove compartment." There's also a small bottle of plain, water-based lube in there. Sam rolls a condom onto two fingers, and he kisses Dave again. "Do you trust me?"

"Absolutely."

"If you want me to stop, just say so."

"I will." His neck is extended over the seat back, head facing the car roof. He gasps when he first feels it, Sam's fingers working their way between his muscles.

"It'll be better in a minute, I promise." Sam hits something, and Dave's leg jumps. Sam grins, and he moves his fingers back. "Right there..." But he jams his fingers to hard the second time, and Dave grunts. "Shit! Sorry, baby." He eases them back to that spot, and Dave bucks his hips.

"Sam... Fuck, _Sam_." Sam runs his tongue up Dave's neck, the saliva cooling to make a cold line on his skin.

"You wish that were my dick in there, huh?" Sam whispers. Dave doesn't answer in words, he just whimpers as Sam wriggles around that damn spot. "You want me to fuck you, don't you?"

"Yes – fuck me."

"Not yet." Dave can't count the time, but he ends up begging before Sam pulls out another condom.

"Just remember to tell me if you want to stop."

"Fuck me, you geekatron!"

It hurts. It hurts a _lot_. But once Dave is used to the feeling, Sam slowly pulls back, pressing his erection against that sensitive patch of muscle, and pleasure spikes through his body. He grips Sam's behind, pulling him closer as Sam starts to move faster.

He doesn't come. Sam comes first, and Dave can see it on his face, how hard he's working to make Dave orgasm – but it doesn't happen. Dave didn't expect to orgasm; that would have been highly unusual for his first time. It's not like an orgasm is the point of sex.

Sam rests his head on Dave's shoulder, and Dave can feel his pounding heartbeat. Dave's hand is on Sam's waist.

"I love you," Sam whispers.

"Love you, too." Dave kisses Sam on the forehead. "You've... you've done this before, right?"

"... Yeah. I mean, I had sex with Santana. Guys are... a bit of a different story. I went to an all-boys school before, and I've had a couple of boyfriends. The first guy... Freshman year, there was this Senior. James lived down the hall from me; he was my tutor; he was out and proud... He really helped me come to terms with my sexuality. I had a giant crush on him. He probably noticed, but he ignored it. He was going off to college, and I was just this cute fourteen-year-old, right? Anyways, this other kid, Shawn, he starts showing me attention. We go to this party, and he gets drunk, and he runs off with this guy to make me jealous... it didn't go so well."

"Did he get hurt?"

Sam nods. "James, though... James was there to pick up the pieces. James made sure Shawn told the right people and got the right help. I still don't know how he did it. Shawn was so freaked out. I can't imagine... Anyways, the next year, Shawn and I started dating. He never really got over what happened though; he always had to be in control, and there were clear limits to what was going down... but I guess it made me really sensitive to body language, which is a good thing. I can't remember why we broke up anymore. But then I dated Kyle, another Senior. Things... I don't know. Things went a little fast with him. He didn't pressure me, but I don't think I was ready. I sort of wanted to prove I _could_ do that stuff, you know? We were never perfect." He laughs. "I'm not perfect; no one is. We broke up because he was going to college."

"Are we going to break up when we go to college?"

"Mmm... I don't know. I don't know where I'm going yet. I don't know what I want to do – maybe something with languages; Mr. Schue makes Spanish really easy."

"I'm going to go somewhere in Columbus. Otterbein sounds good. I want... I want to teach history."

"Hot."

"What?"

"You heard me – that's sexy."

"Is it now?" Dave licked his lips. "You're going to have to tell me about that sometime."


	16. Chapter 16 Glee Club

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

"You know," Dave says on Skype one night after a chapter of _Boneshaker_, "my sister's coming into town for Thanksgiving."

"Cool, do I get to meet her?" Carrie, Dave's sister, goes to a state college in Illinois for math. She plans on teaching, so her tuition is all paid as long as she teaches in Illinois for five years.

"Yeah, of course. Um, you know, if you want to." Dave bites his lip. "I was thinking... I could come out to her."

"Are you sure you're ready?" Sam asks slowly. He isn't sure how he feels about this. If Dave comes out to Carrie, she might let something slip. What if she reacts badly? What if Dave outs Sam, too? Sam isn't sure how he'd react.

"I really want someone to know, Sam. My sister's always been there for me."

"I understand. Are you nervous?"

Dave nods. "I don't think she'll react badly. She was kind of excited when Illinois legalized civil unions."

The subject of coming out plagues Sam the next day. Every time he talks to someone, he wonders how they would react. Kurt wouldn't care. Rachel would be excited. Finn wouldn't care, either, right? Quinn might freak out. Puck would probably make a joke, but he'd be cool with it. Brittany would be nice about it. Artie might be weirded out. Mercedes would tell him to be strong. Blaine would be supportive. Tina would be nice about it. Mike would be cool about it, too. Just before Glee, Santana walks up to him.

"Go away," he says in a low voice.

"I wanted to talk to you..."

"Leave us alone." This is the one person who could send everything tumbling down. She could make "coming out" the worst experience of his life if she tried.

"You won't even listen?" If he weren't so scared, he might care about the sadness in her voice.

"No! You're the most vindictive person I know, and you learned a secret that I _really_ don't want anyone else to know. So yeah, I'd rather not have you around right now."

He walks away, and he doesn't look back at her. She gets the message, at least: She doesn't try to talk to him on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. He tries to ignore her, but sometimes he eyes her, and she has this vacant look on her face. He sees her in the hall, Brittany tugging her along, and he feels bad. But she's the one who pushed, right? She's the one who uses people.

But Thursday is the day she snaps.

"Maybe you should sing 'I Kissed a Girl,'" Kurt jokes with Blaine. "I mean, I know how much you love Katy Perry."

"I think that fits a certain situation a few months ago," Blaine answers with a smile.

"Actually, Blaine, I think we _should_ do that song," Rachel says. "Though, I think a girl should sing it. It might help some of those in the school struggling to come to terms with their sexuality."

"As if," Kurt scoffs. "_Oh, I'm so bisexual and trendy. I have a boyfriend. I'm making out with a girl at a party because it's so fun. It doesn't mean anything. L-O-L."_ Sam's throat dries. Maybe Kurt wouldn't be as supportive as he thought.

"Shut up, Hummel," Santana snaps. "When have you ever actually _questioned_ your sexuality?"

"Like you would know anything about it," Kurt answers coolly. "Don't act like you haven't taken Brittany on dates to make out with her just to get guys to foot the bill."

"Well, Kurt Hummel, for your information, I'm a lesbian."

"But... What about all those guys?" Mercedes asks, incredulous.

"Yeah, I'm not buying it," Quinn says.

Santana just rushes out of the room. Brittany follows her but stops at the door.

"This was supposed to be happy," she says quietly.

Surprisingly, Puck stands up to follow them. "You guys are jerks."

"But if she is a lesbian, doesn't it hurt? Knowing that she didn't feel anything for you?" Tina asks.

"Santana's my friend," he answers. "Maybe that doesn't mean anything to the rest of you, but it does to me."

Sam almost comes out in solidarity. Kurt cuts him off.

"Well, that was dramatic."

Blaine turns on Kurt. "Really? That's all you have to say?"

"You don't know her like I do, Blaine. She's not exactly the most innocent person."

"And you don't think her struggles have had anything to do with that?" Blaine shakes his head and stands up. "I'm disappointed in you." He walks out.

"I'm disappointed in all of you," Mr. Schue intones. "That is Santana, our _friend_, who has been with this Glee club since the beginning." He goes on with his speech, but all Sam can think about is how the whole school will know by Monday. The whole school is going to be staring at Santana. They're going to wonder if she ever stared at them in the showers. They're going to wonder if she faked pleasure when they kissed her, when they fucked her. They're going to wonder if every favor was a sexual advance.

Everything that Sam didn't want them to think about him.

Finn texts him about it.

_I can't believe it._ **- Finn**

_Well, congrats._ **- Sam**

_For what?_ **- Finn**

_A lot of guys spend their whole lives trying to have sex with a lesbian. _**- Sam**

_I guess. But what was with Kurt? I mean, he was bashing bi people, and then he just shoots down Santana like that?_** - Finn**

_Maybe he's just having a bad week,_ **- Sam**

He goes home and it's like an animal is gnawing at his stomach. He can't stop thinking about what his parents would say if they found out. When David comes over, Sam hugs him and doesn't let go; he kisses him and doesn't stop because the most important thing in the world is for him to remember that the way he is isn't a bad way to be at all.


	17. Chapter 17 Dave's House

**A/N: So I've been trying to make Dave and Sam "balanced" – so neither of them is pegged as "the girl" in the relationship. How am I doing on that?**

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Dave has three weeks to get up the courage to tell Carrie. It isn't going so well because Santana coming out isn't exactly a confidence-booster. No one actually sees her cry, but her eyes are red and puffy all the time. She doesn't actually dress differently, but she looks less put-together. She holds herself differently. She walks differently. David doesn't think she told her family, but she doesn't need to when over a thousand people are pointing and staring at her already. Sam says she hasn't even sung in Glee club. She's a total zombie, and every time he thinks about coming out to his sister, Dave's throat clogs up.

When Sam comes over, Dave has another panic attack. Sam grabs Dave's wrists to keep him from clawing at himself, and Dave stares into his boyfriend's eyes as he starts to hyperventilate.

"Stop, Dave, please stop," Sam begs. "You're scaring me."

Dave wants to stop, but he can't. Sam holds him when it's over.

"Maybe you shouldn't do it," Sam says. "Look what it's doing to you."

"I want it to stop as much as you do," Dave replies irritably, "but maybe that's the key. Maybe once I come out, all the stress will be gone."

"Not if things go badly." Sam kisses the back of Dave's head. "I want you to come out, but this isn't healthy."

"You know they started after we started dating, right? I just need to come to terms with this part of my life. That's all."

"Maybe you should wait till graduation," Sam suggests. His blonde hair tickles Dave's skin. "I mean... If you come out, and I'm not out, I probably can't be with you as much."

"I'm not coming out to the school, Sam," Dave reminds him.

"I'm not ready, Dave."

"You don't have to be ready, Sam." Dave rolls over to wipe hair out of the blonde's eyes. "I'm just tired of living this lie. I'm tired of being scared."

"It's not a lie," Sam insists.

"Really? You're not mad that your family doesn't know the real you?" Dave frowns. Sam was always more comfortable with his sexuality than Dave; where was this coming from?

"Liking boys isn't all I am, Dave." Sam frowns, and he won't look Dave in the eye.

"Why are you getting mad about this?"

"Maybe because I don't like how you're judging me because I'm not ready to come out yet!" Sam sits up and bounces over Dave's legs to get off the bed.

"Sam, I'm sorry -"

"I should go." Why is he being like this? Dave doesn't get it.

Dave gets up to touch Sam, to just tell him it's all right, but Sam jerks his shoulder away. "I didn't mean to-"

"I'll talk to you later." His voice is so final, but Dave doesn't want this to be the end of the discussion; he wants to get through this. He's almost mad that Sam won't let them.

"I love you."

"Love you, too."

"Sam." The blonde turns to look down at Dave. "I really am sorry, okay?"

Sam nods. "I just need time to think. I'll talk to you on Skype later."

It's their first actual fight. David wants to be forgiven, but the more he thinks about it, the angrier he gets at Sam for not understanding. They're in the same situation, so why doesn't Sam get it? Dave apologized, so why was Sam still mad?

It takes a week for them to get over it, a week full of snapping at each other, ignoring each other in school, and making excuses to not see each other. Sam apologizes.

"It doesn't matter," Dave says.

"Yes, it does." Sam frowns. "This is about you, not me. I should be trying to help you feel comfortable with this, not making you feel worse."

"I'm sorry for not understanding how you felt about this." Sam reaches out, and they hold hands. "I was thinking about it, and maybe I should come out to my family, too."

"Are you sure?" Dave asks.

Sam nods. "I... I'm out to my therapist. She said that my family is being really supportive right now, and if I come out, it might help my self-image."

"Do you know when you're going to do it?"

"Before Christmas for sure but not before Thanksgiving. I'm not ready yet."

"I'm here for you." Sam nods again, but his eyes don't meet Dave's. Dave hugs him.

Somehow, Thanksgiving comes too fast. Dave feels like he's going to vomit all the time, and he can't pay attention in class. His stomach is in knots every time he sees Sam. He manages to forget it during football practice and during sex. One Friday, Sam promises that after Thanksgiving, Dave can come over, they can eat leftovers, and maybe they can "watch Torchwood" together.

Carrie comes over the next Wednesday. She's bright and smiling, gushing about college and... a boy. She brought her boyfriend.

"I met Geoffrey in my math class. He's minoring in it, but he majors in computer engineering." She has a huge smile on her face every time she looks at him. "He's so compassionate. His sister runs the Rainbow Room – you know, the LGBTQ diversity center at UICU – and he got me to start going."

"Going to the LGBTQ meetings?" their mom asks.

"The Rainbow Room is always open to allies," Geoffrey steps in. "It's a place for education, for support... It's a wonderful environment to be in."

"You learn so many things," Carrie says. "Things you take for granted that aren't given to other people just because they're not white, not straight, not a boy, not cisgender – oh, um, because they are trans."

Just like that, almost all of his fear disappears. It's his _sister_. Of course she'll be there for him. Now he just needs to figure out when to tell her. Then their mom sends them to the store for cider.

"Did you know," Carrie says on the way there, "that in England, cider is alcoholic? They don't heat it up, either; they just drink it cold."

"Wouldn't it just be alcoholic apple juice?" Dave asks.

"I guess. I wanna go out there sometime and try it. I bet it's delicious."

"Hey, Carrie...?"

"Yeah?" She's still smiling.

"I'm gay."

She takes a deep breath, adjusts her glasses, and looks at him. "Dave, I never want you to feel like there's any part of yourself that you can't share with me because I'm your sister, and I will always love you no matter what."


	18. Chapter 18 The Dining Room

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Sam doesn't think he can do this. He can't come out. What was he thinking? What was his therapist thinking when she said he should? Seriously?

He has no idea what to do, and it's a week until winter vacation now. So he goes to make peace with Santana. The Latina is sitting in the choir room, staring out the windows situated high in the walls.

"Santana?" he ventures. He closes the door behind him.

"Hey, trouty mouth." She doesn't bother to turn around.

Sam frowns. She hasn't changed. "I want to apologize. For, you know, telling you to stay away. Obviously you were going through the same shit Dave and I are. I should have been there for you."

She waves him away. "It doesn't matter, Ken doll. I'm out now. I haven't said anything to my parents yet, but they don't care about my business."

"You mean you don't think they care about you." That would suck. Even when he was at private school, his mom was always calling him and Nathan asked him about his week.

"Not particularly. They just throw gifts and money at me. I'm not even sure they know that I'm in Glee club. We don't really talk." Right, because Santana's dad was a doctor.

"Is there... do they pay more attention to your brothers and sisters?"

"No. Mostly just each other and work." She shrugs. "I don't care. My brother, though – Luiz – I'm close with him. Teresa, she doesn't care about any of us. She's the oldest. I don't know anymore. I don't care anymore, Sam, I just want to get out of here."

"Where are you going?"

"Columbia College in Chicago. I got accepted. Brittany's going, too. Artie isn't, and... I was hoping we'd finally get a chance together. A real chance. I can't remember the last time we were apart; we're best friends forever. We're supposed to be together forever, Sam. I need her with me."

"I think she makes you better."

"So, what, I'm sick or something?" She cracks a smile.

"No, but we're just kids. We're not grown up yet, even if we're about to turn eighteen. I think she makes you more mature. I think she makes you care about other people."

She laughed, but it was dry. "Thanks. I'd like to think that I make her better, too, but it's hard to imagine that. She's so sweet. I hope I can take care of her out there. I don't want her to get hurt, and she's not always the brightest person."

"You can do it," Sam assured her.

"How are things going with you and cubby? We still talk, you know. He told me how you were thinking of coming out..." She bit her lip and looks back out the window.

"Yeah. Things are... strained. We're both so stressed. Dave's thinking about colleges, and he hasn't heard back from anyone yet. I'm working through my fears and my illness."

"You know, I haven't asked if you're gay or bi or pan or whatever."

"I'm bi."

"I haven't told anyone, you know."

"I didn't think you would."

"Not even Brittany." She gives him another smile, and Sam can't help but hope that everything works out for her in Chicago.

It's snowing when Sam decides that tonight's the night. It's two little words, and he chants them in his head over and over: _I'm bisexual._ He can say it. He'll do it over dinner. He stares down at his mashed potatoes, wondering if they're going to ask about Dave.

"How about you, Sam?" Nathan asks. "Are your classes easing up now that winter break is around the corner?"

"Um... yeah, I guess they are." His throat is dry. The fear is a bitterness roiling in his belly.

"Is something on your mind, sweetheart?" his mother asks.

"I'm bisexual."

"You like boys?" Danny asks. He's thirteen now.

"Yes," Sam answers.

Danny looks back at his parents.

"Danny, honey, will you go to your room? Your father and I have to talk to Sam."

Sam's heart drops. _No. No, this cannot be happening._

"Sam, is this because of your bulimia?" his mother asks calmly. "Because I know that we're paying less attention to you now that you're recovering, but your father and I wanted to show that we trusted you."

"This isn't for attention, Mom. I like boys."

"Have you talked to your therapist about this?" Nathan questions.

"Yeah, and she said I should come out. She said it would improve my self-image."

"I'm firing her," he mutters.

"Look, we'll get you a new, Christian therapist -"

"You can't just make this go away, Mom!" He looked between them, eyes wild.

"Calm down, Sam!" his mother hisses softly. "I know you're having a hard time between your Senior year and your illness, but you just need proper help."

"Not for this."

"Then you have to go," Nathan says. They both looked at him. "I can't have my son around this. Either you get help, or you get out."

Sam looks to his mother for help, but it's like she's frozen. She's caught between agreeing with her husband and fearing that Sam will go. That's enough to tell Sam that he should go. He can't stand it here. _It wasn't supposed to happen this way._

"I can't believe I called you my father." He walks out. He doesn't bother getting clothes or books or anything because he doesn't think about it. He just needs to get out; it feels like he's suffocating. He gets in his car, and he just drives. He has no idea where to go. He doesn't have his cell phone; it's in his room, charging. He can't go to Dave's; he can't out him – what if his parents kicked him out, too?

It takes him an hour to get up the nerve to drive to Kurt and Finn's house. He hasn't cried yet. He feels like he's on the brink of crying any minute, but he can't. With shaking hands, he knocks on the Hudson-Hummel door. He doesn't have a bag; he doesn't have anything.

Finn answers the door. Sam can see Kurt relaxing on the couch next to Burt.

"Hey, dude. What's up?" Finn looks concerned. Sam can't imagine what he looks like.

"I... Can I stay the night?" His voice sounds broken.

"Lemme ask." Finn nods slowly.

"Finn?" Burt asks. "Who is it?"

"It's Sam. He's asking if he can spend the night."

Burt comes to the door, but Kurt speaks first. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"My parents – I got kicked out." Kurt's shocked.

"What?" Finn asks. "Why?"

"Because -" but he chokes on the words. _I can do this._ "I'm bi."

"C'mon," Burt says, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder. "You can stay until we figure out what to do with you, alright? The guest bedroom's upstairs. Kurt can show you."

He follows Kurt. He feels almost numb.

"Do you have any stuff?" Kurt asks as Sam sits down on the bed.

"I didn't bring anything."

That's when he breaks down.


	19. Chapter 19 Kurt's House

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

"Hello?" Dave asks. It's an unknown number.

"David." It's Sam, but his voice sounds thick. This isn't his house phone, so where is he? "David, I came out to my parents." He was crying, that's why he doesn't sound right. Something went very, very wrong. Dave wasn't there to help.

_No._ "What happened?" He grabs his keys off the edge of his desk. He needs to be there if Sam wants him. One thought is sure to cross his mind later: _This could be me._

"I'm at Kurt's and Finn's place." Sam sniffs. "I, uh..." His voice breaks. "They wanted me to see a therapist – a different one to fix my _problem_." It's hard to remember that these are the people he's seen at least once a week for the past six months. It's hard to remember that these are people at all.

"Sam, I'm so sorry." Dave bites his lip. There's no way he can make this better. "Do you need anything?" He would go to the moon and back if he could. He would erase all of tonight if he could. He can't. He can't fix the cracks in this world anymore than he can sprout wings and fly.

"Can you come over?" Sam begs. "I just want to be held right now." His voice is so soft. He's so hurt, and he doesn't know what to do. Except... why didn't Sam come to Dave's house?

"I don't think Mr. Hummel would appreciate that." He clears his throat. Of course. Sam didn't want to out David, especially just after what Sam went through.

"It's nearly been a year, Dave." He says it like it's so simple.

_Well you don't exactly forget when someone threatens to kill your kid._ "I don't think I can stay for long." He'll go, though, if just to hug Sam once. Finn's going to be there. Fucker.

"You have some of my clothes, right?" Sam asks. "I kind of don't have any clothes." He didn't get to pack? Dave wonders if Sam ran or if those asshole parents of his didn't let him. It isn't fair. None of it's fair! Why should they have to be treated like this? It's so goddamned frustrating that something like this could happen at all, let alone to someone he loves.

"Do you want me to break into your house? Because I totally can." That would level the playing field. Not enough. Maybe he could aim a punch at that step-dad of his before he left.

"Just bring me what you have." He's definitely going to break in; he just needs a good plan first.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. I'm – I'm going to call my dad."

Dave scrunches his eyes up. "Good luck."

The amount of Sam's clothes Dave has it pitiful, and enough to get him through half a week. If it weren't an emergency, Dave would be willing to give it up, since it means he can't wear it when he misses Sam – not that the shirts fit him. Those are just nice to smell; they smell like big, blonde, and sexy. He throws in a few other things Sam left at his house (a book, a hat, a chibi Tenth Doctor plushy) and a few of his own clothes (including a hoodie that he'd like to imagine Sam sleeping in and sniffing the sleeve to remind himself of Dave).

He wants to ask his mom if he can bring Sam stuff – movies, books, money – but he isn't sure Sam would want him telling other people. Who knows whom his parents might tell? Of course... Kurt and Finn were going to gossip about him. They would wonder why Sam called him and not another member of Glee. They would tell everyone.

His heart pounds as he tells himself that it doesn't matter. Tonight is about Sam. So he drives, and he manages to forget about it until he pulls up to the Hudson-Hummel house. He grabs the box from his passenger seat, hoists it up to his hip, and walks to their front door. Kurt opens the door.

_Oh, fuck._ "I, uh, Sam called me to bring him some of his stuff... that I had..." he manages to stammer out.

"You two are together, aren't you?" Kurt takes the box from Dave's hands. "He told us he's bisexual." Dave just nods. "I'm not going to tell anyone. I'll make sure Finn doesn't, either. Actually, I think Dad will warn him off, too..."

"I'm sorry, Kurt." Dave gulps in air like he can't get enough of it. "I'm so sorry. I just... I hated you, you know? I was jealous that you could love yourself enough to be out. I hated that you were so self-assured and that you had a family that you knew loved you – you had everything. You were just this _giant thing_ that I could never get, and I hated it. I'm sorry."

"I forgive you." Kurt looks down at the box. "Does anyone in your family even know?"

"I told my sister. That's why Sam decided to tell his parents: because we were doing it together. I feel so horrible -" His

"It's not your fault," Kurt answers softly.

"We were so happy." Dave wipes at his eyes. "Everything's ruined."

"My family is here to pick up the pieces – and you're here, too. I'd call that a win." He gives Dave an encouraging smile.

"What a pitiful win. Is that what guys like us have to be happy about? 'Oh, it's okay that my boyfriend got kicked out because he's lucky enough to have a place to stay. Everything's just peachy keen!' That's bullshit," he says bitterly.

"Guys like us get to grow up and make this world better for other guys like us," Kurt replies. "We just have to get there." He kicks the door open wider. "Come on, I'll take you to him."

The Hudson-Hummel house looks nice – more middle class than they actually are, which is probably a result of having two household incomes now. Kurt supposedly planned their wedding last year, so Dave wouldn't put it past Kurt to have designed the interior with his step-mom. Kurt leads him up the carpeted stairs and into a bright, plain room where Sam sat on the bed. He has a phone to one ear and his hand covering the other.

"I'm gonna go," Kurt whispers.

"Thanks." Dave turns back to Sam, who finally notices someone else is in the room.

"Dad? I have to go. Yeah. Love you, too." Sam hangs up.


	20. Chapter 20 The Car

**A/N: This fic is coming to an end soon, and it's going to continue with Growing Up,which picks up after Sam and Dave have graduated from college. I'm not going to take BST all the way to graduation, maybe all the way through January.**

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

"That sounds like it went well," Dave tells Sam.

"Yeah, um, my dad's going to fly out the day after tomorrow, and I guess we'll figure out what happens after that." Sam's scared. He has no idea how his father will act once he comes to Lima, and he has no idea what he'll want to do. Even if he reacts well, everything's sort of broken now, isn't it?

It must show on his face because Dave reaches out to tug Sam's hair playfully, a hopeful smile playing on his face. Sam doesn't return the smile. Sam tears up, and Dave pulls the taller boy into his arms. Sam sobs into Dave's shoulder, and Dave buries his face in Sam's hair.

"Please don't cry, Sammy, please," Dave begs him. Sam rests his arms on Dave's back. Sam doesn't cry; he silently promises that he won't cry because he doesn't want to hurt Dave. He can hold it together for him.

"I love you," Sam says. "Don't leave me -"

"I'm not going anywhere, I swear." Dave's hands squeeze into him more tightly. "You'll be okay, Sam. You'll be okay; they'll take care of you."

"Please stay with me, baby, I'm so sorry." He feels so humiliated. Who knew how Dave felt about coming out to his family now?

"I'm right here. Look at me," Dave says, pushing Sam back so he can look up into the blonde's eyes. "This isn't your fault. You're an amazing person, okay? And your parents are too crazy to see that."

"I love them," Sam answers in a soft voice.

For a second, Dave looks speechless. "But they hurt you."

"They're my parents."

"I'm sorry." Dave laces his fingers through Sam's.

"I... David, can I ask you something?" Sam sits on the bed. Dave nods. "Will you see my dad with me? When he comes?"

"Of course." Dave rests his head on Sam's shoulder.

"Thanks."

Kurt takes Sam to school the next day. It's the last day before winter break, and Carole said he, Kurt, and Finn could stay home instead, but Sam doesn't want to spend the day in a strange house. Sam doesn't mind leaving his car there to carpool with Kurt and Finn. Kurt's car is pretty big.

"Sam," Kurt asks softly, eyes trained on the road, "are you comfortable with us talking to people about what happened? We can wait until after Christmas break."

"Yeah, dude," Finn adds. "It's totally your business. You don't have to tell -"

"I don't care," Sam says. "No one's going to pay attention anyways; they'll all be too excited for Christmas and stuff." Even if they do, this won't be the first time he's been stared at all day. Word will probably get around by the time January rolls around, and after everyone's forgotten their presents, everyone will stare at Sam again. He hates the stares; he hates them so _fucking much_. He just can't be bothered to keep a secret anymore. What's the point? People will ask why he was kicked out, why his parents don't love him anymore -

He chokes on that thought. He wants to go home. What about his brother? What does Danny think of his sudden disappearance? Is he glad? He doesn't want to think about that, either, because it makes him feel sick.

"Let's just keep it to ourselves," Kurt says, giving Finn a pointed look. The quarterback nods.

"Dude, it'll be okay," Finn assures him. "We're gonna go get your stuff."

"What?"

They leave at lunch. Dave's in the front seat, giving Finn directions. Sam's in the back seat, telling Kurt all the things he _has_ to take. He's leaving action figures and posters and movies, but he's taking books and comics and his laptop.

"What about Tally?" Dave asks.

"Who?" Finn says.

"My beagle," Sam explains. "Dave, can you take her?"

Dave shakes his head. "My sister's allergic to fur, and even if she's away at college, we already have Fancy Pants. I don't think our landlady would appreciate it."

"We can bring her home," Finn says. "I've always wanted a dog! We've just never had the time or money, owning a house on her own, but it's different now."

"This isn't something we should just spring on our parents," Kurt warns. "I'll call them when we're there."

"What if they say no?" Finn asks.

"Guys, your parents are already letting me stay with you... Honestly, I don't want to ask for more than that. You're giving me way more than you should -"

"That's bullshit," Kurt says harshly. "We're not sending you out on the street, and if you want your dog -" He takes a breathe, and Sam watches the calm pour over him. "I'll make some calls." He turns to Dave. "Who's Fancy Pants?"

"My kitten. I found her outside a dumpster at work." He sounds defensive, and Sam smiles. "Well, she's not a kitten anymore..."

"You named her Fancy Pants?" Kurt asks, grimacing.

"She's my high-maintenance lady!"

Finn busts out laughing.

Kurt looks back to Sam. "I can't believe you're dating him."

"He's really cute sometimes," Sam informs him. "Like when he names a kitten Fancy Pants or when he makes a picnic. He has a romantic streak."

"Like you don't!" Dave sounds hurt, but Sam can tell he's secretly pleased. "It gets mixed up with your dork factor, though."

"One day," Sam promises, "you're going to go 'Oh, Sam – talk nerdy to me!'"

Kurt rolls his eyes; Finn smiles awkwardly. Dave laughs and puts his hand back to Sam can grab it. It's not the end of the world.


	21. Chapter 21 The Airport

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Dave opens the door first. It was locked, but Sam tossed him the keys. Dave doesn't know why; maybe Sam doesn't want to come in and see his parents or something. They're at work, and Danny's at school. Tally, the little beagle, is at home. She rushes up to Dave and starts clawing at his knees as she jumps for attention.

"Come on, Tally," he beckons as he walks farther inside. She doesn't listen, though, because there are new people now. She's met Finn and Kurt before, but she's not as familiar with them as she is with Dave or Puck. Tally freaks out when Sam comes in the door, though. It hasn't even been a full day, but Dave bets she missed sleeping in his room last night. The first time Dave spent the night, they shut the door on her, and she whined and scratched until they let her in.

Dave leads Kurt upstairs while Finn and Sam get Tally's stuff. There are empty backpacks and a suitcase in Sam's closet, where Kurt gets the clothes. Dave gets the other stuff: Sam's laptop, his cellphone, the chargers, some books (he takes care to include _The Leviathan Series_).

"Why are you with him?" Kurt asks as pulls clothes off of hangers and puts them into the suitcase. "I mean – well, maybe I do mean him specifically, but I honestly would've have known you were comfortable enough with yourself to be in a relationship. So what happened?"

"Summer. Except for my new job, all the pressure was gone. I had three months to not think about you or school. I could just be myself." Dave packs up Sam's laptop with care. "Then Sam came along. He gave me a second chance after I hurt you. I didn't want to let go of that. And... I don't know. We just got together." Dave reaches over to get a few comics from Sam's desk. "You guys have Avatar, right?" When it took Kurt more than a few seconds to answer, Dave pulled Sam's copy from the drawer. It was his favorite movie; there was no way Dave was going to leave it.

"How did Sam take it?" Kurt asks. "Did he – does he, um, struggle with it?"

"I don't think so," Dave says. "Maybe that's what the bulimia thing was about, though. I dunno. He would freak out sometimes, but it was never big. He would just get scared of the future. Maybe he sort of knew about his parents, I don't know..." Dave stops himself, because if he thinks about why Sam came out, he always leads himself to the idea that Sam had only done it because Dave was. He knows it's not his fault, so why does he feel so guilty?

He feels like he's making up for it on Saturday when Sam drives him to Columbus to pick up Sam's dad. Sam looks anxious, and Dave has no idea how to cheer him up. They sit in relative silence for over an hour, throwing nervous glances at each other. They don't hold hands as they walk in even though David wants to. Sam probably wants to, too, but it doesn't feel right. Instead, Dave watches Sam freeze the minute he sees his father.

Mr. Evans is only a couple of inches taller than Sam. His hair is dark brown, but instead of a wispy haircut, he had a small quiff. He has Sam's nose and facial shape, but his mouth is wide and flat; his eyes are dark brown. He looks tense, and he doesn't see Sam at first. Dave knows the exact minute he does see Sam, because he stops for a second. Then he starts running. He rushes up to Sam and flings his arms around his son.

"I should never have left you with your mother -"

"I'm so sorry, Dad -" Sam is crying.

"I shouldn't have let you come to Ohio -"

"I'm so, so sorry -"

"I could have kept you at the damn school -"

"It's all my fault -"

_He's going to take Sam away, isn't he?_ That shouldn't be Dave's first thought, but it is. He's selfish. He stares as Sam bawls in his dad's arms, and Mr. Evans chokes on a few sobs before straightening himself out.

Sam's father runs a hand through Sam's hair and looks him straight in the eye. "I don't care who you love or have sex with – just make sure you don't cheat, you don't abuse, and you don't violate, okay? I know I raised you right, and who you fall in love with isn't a reflection on that." Sam nods, and Mr. Evans looks between the two boys. "Come on, I'll take you two to lunch."

He has an Enterprise car waiting for him, and they drive around until they find a diner that looks good. Mr. Evans puts a hand around Sam's shoulders.

"So, Sammy, Dave is..."

"He's my boyfriend." Sam glances over at Dave to see if that's okay; Dave just smiles back.

"Good man." He looks to Dave. "I'm glad you're sticking with him when it's tough." He shakes his head. "I should have been here, Sam; I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to go to a stranger's house to be taken care of."

"Kurt and Finn aren't strangers," Sam says, but he's out of focus again. He's thinking about what happened.

"I don't know them. Don't get me wrong, son. I'm grateful. It's just... I'm supposed to take care of you. It's a parent's job, and I thought your mother could do it." He sighs. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"It doesn't matter right now, Dad," Sam tells him. "I have a place to stay for a while."

"We'll have to talk about that later. I want to meet these people – I need to thank them properly." Sam nods. Dave's relieved.


	22. Chapter 22 Finn's House

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Sam doesn't kiss Dave before he drops him off, but it's not because the living room curtains are open again – it's just weird to kiss in front of his dad.

"Call me when you've talked, okay?"

"Promise." Sam smiles. "Don't worry about it."

Sam worries about it, though. He sort of wishes Dave were there with him because after staying at the clinic, he doesn't want to face anything alone if he can help it. When they get to the Hudson-Hummel home, Tally jumps at Sam. With shrill yiffs, she chases after him until he sits down on the couch, where she hops onto his lap.

"Did she behave?" Sam asks Burt.

"Oh, she was fine," he assures the teen. Burt stands up and looks to Sam's father. "Mr. Evans?"

"Please, call me Joe." There's a grim smile on his face, but they shake hands. "I'd like to thank you and your wife for taking care of my son when I couldn't."

"No problem – I know I'd want someone to be there for my kid." Burt smiles. "Take a seat, Joe." Burt sits, and Carole comes in from the dining room to sit by him.

Mr. Evans sat back down. "Sam, I'd like to apologize again. I wouldn't have let you move with your mother if I'd known. I'm your father; it's my job to take care of you, and I wasn't there to do it."

"It's not your fault, Dad." There should be a smile at the end of that sentence, but there isn't. Everything's too fresh; the situation, too serious.

"I don't want you to stay out here," his father says. There's that same hesitation, the careful presentation of tone and wording. "I can send you back to McCallie School, or you can stay with me if you like."

"I don't wanna go, Dad. I have one semester left before I graduate!" Sam's eyes darted to and from Burt and Carole. "I've spent two years making friends here, and I don't want to throw that away just yet. I'm almost eighteen; I can get an apartment!"

"That's not necessary," Carole cuts in. "You can stay as long as you want." Burt nods in agreement. Carole reaches over and pats Sam's hand.

"You could use that money for college. Sam, you're not living on your own." He frowned. "There's no reason for you to; you have me."

"Just let me stay in Lima. Mr. and Mrs. Hudson-Hummel are fine with it."

"Sam, _I'm_ your parent. _I'm_ supposed to provide for you."

"Now, Joe, let's not be too hasty," Burt cuts in. "I'm sure we can come to an agreement. Sam could stay with us, and you could reimburse us for the cost of an extra child in the house."

Carole looked sharply at him. "Burt," she mutters, "there is no reason for him to pay for his place here."

"I would actually prefer that," Sam's father says.

Carole turns to Sam. "I don't want you to feel like you're only welcome because your father's giving us money."

Sam nods. "I'm welcome because you're great people." He knows why his dad is stuck on the money: Jonah Evans can't stand the idea that not only was he absent when his son needed him, but there's nothing he can do for Sam. Burt offered to take the money because he understands, too.

"I'm going to make sure those boys are handling dinner the right way." Carole gets up to head to the kitchen.

"I'll leave you two to it," Burt says, following her.

Sam's gaze doesn't leave his father's face. The elder Evans's hands are rubbing his temples.

"I can't apologize enough, Sam." The sentence is sudden. "When you called me, I had no idea what was going on. Your mother didn't have the decency to tell me. I can't believe Nathan said that -" He takes a deep breath. Sam doesn't want him to get overworked while he's in someone else's house, either. "I'm going to have words with her. Anyways, I'm going to leave the day after tomorrow, and I was hoping you would spend your winter break with me."

"Of course I will, Dad." Sam smiles. "I can't remember the last time I spent Christmas at your house." He lightly taps his fist on his father's arm.

"Sam." All playfulness is dropped. "I'm glad you're surrounded by people you can count on. I'm glad you found that boy, Dave. You said he was a great help when you went to the clinic?"

"Yeah, I called him a lot. We talk a lot anyways – you know, on Skype and stuff. He works at Barnes and Nobles." He smiles as he thinks about last night, how sexy and intelligent Dave looked at he adjusted his glasses to read _The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove_ to Sam.

"I'm going to keep up with you more. A lot of it has been me asking your mother what's up, but it's not the same. There's no excuse for me to not be interacting with you, Sam. I'm going to visit more, too."

"It's not your fault, Dad."

His father shakes his head. "I'll be there for graduation... have they started selling your caps and gowns yet?"

"No, that won't happen until the semester's over."

"And that's two weeks after you get back, right?"

"Yeah."

"When you're with me in Tennessee, we're have Christmas with your grandparents. Do you want to... visit Jessica's parents?"

"Yeah. I want to talk to them, too." Sam looks at the floor, wondering if his mother's parents will even let him in their house. Their daughter's actions had to be indicative of how they felt about the subject, right?


End file.
